Subject:
        lazythanks
   Date:
        Mon, 01 Nov 1999 12:49:16 -0900
 

he hee heee

too cool

got a Ton of lazies sent back to me, Thank You All very much

Also getting some photos, too *smirks* guys an' gals in bikinis and what
not, surf and sun *shrugs*  so don't be Shy *pokepoke*  it's Easy,
besides, you might Like it *wink*

gotta go
seeya
Torbjon

Subject:
        lazysnow
   Date:
        Thu, 04 Nov 1999 07:01:57 -0900

So it's snowing *sigh*

I blew yesterday off.,... I should blow today off too *laughs* and
tomorrow,,, and the rest of the fucking year...  but I'm going to go in
and make a bunch of coho and chum go away before king crab shows up....

The Mistress went down... *ponders* that could be interpreted in a
variety of ways, huh?

The Mistress is a boat... was a boat... it went out last Sunday, was
overdue on Tuesday, and the Coast Guard has been looking for it ever
since...

so far they have found an uninflated life raft, a bag of buoys, and a
gas can...

no boat

no crew. (three souls were on that boat)

gone *snap* like they never were *sigh*

That could happen to any of us you know.... the ol' slip on the soap in
the shower scenario...

oh well, the clock on the wall keeps ticking away regardless

I gotta go
Torbjon

Subject:
        lazyblah
   Date:
        Thu, 04 Nov 1999 23:19:54 -0900

And yes, I KNOW that our candle making comrade is King of the Blahs, I'm
Still in a shitty mood and 'blah' pretty much sums it up *shrugs*  I
won't go off atcha though *sigh*  just spent the past couple hours
dumping my angst off onta the Wiccan *laughs*

Hey, I NEVER said I was Smart, just a Devilishly Handsome Minor Deity
*wink*  But I HAD to rant and for whatever reason, She got Your
lazyletter *shrugs*

Besides, none of you really want to hear about yet Another shitty day on
the van dock, do you. I know that I don't want to hear about another
shitty day on the van dock and I was there *laughs*

However, For The Record, I wanna state that Superior Pete and the Chaos
Junkie were Incredible today... beyond incredible... *sigh* the short of
it is is that I have Ten Times more respect for them than I do for
Whitey and Mr. Stitts...  and I know what it is too.. it's not that
these guys dicks are any beefier or that they swallow or that they are
better friends or better workers or any of that crap;  it's 'cause they
are HERE.  That simple fact alone Makes them BETTER than those bozos
that bail out every summer, like Whitey and Stitts and the rest.

I was fortunate enough today ta have the Chaos Junkie standing Right
There (in my blind spot which just Frosts me to no end, still...) when I
uncovered just One More of the little I Love Yous left for ME from
Whitey, and ya, sure, MAYBE someone will jokingly mention it to him Six
Months from now when he gits back, but I'M the one dealing with it NOW,
ya know? *sigh*

*laughs*

can ya tell I'm pissed?  ya, I noticed that too *shrugs*

It's funny, 'cause the ONE dude that is Still here that I COULD go
childishly balistic at (that hairy scary little freek, Gary)  is bein'
very nice and respectfull and helpfull and basically just Way Too Cool
ta kill, ya know? *laughs*

Karma, gotta love it.

It loves Me, tha's fer sure *smirks*

So, I don't wanna bitch about work, dammit, 'cause I'm already apathetic
enough as it is an' I Just left that place, so why go back, yes? *grins*

So enstead I'm gonna bitch about my complete and utter lack of
understanding of all things simple *grins*

I mean, Why can't I figure this shit out?? I'm OLD fer chrissakes!!
*laughs*

Got this book of poems here tha' me Dad wrote 31 years ago... some
pretty good shit in it, actually... anyway, just some nicely hand
written pages carefully placed inside what, at the time, was a high
tech, state of the art, Way Groovy, blue vinyl notebook *shrugs*

And the gig is, in December of 1968 I Remember sittin' at the kitchen
table with me old man as he put this little number together, remember
him carefully writing out the pages in fancy gold ink, lining up the
pages, cutting paper, poking holes, puttin' 'em the fancy binder...

An' I remember thinkin'... quite vividly, actually... WOW! He just MADE
a BOOK out of NOTHING!! Grown Ups are Cool!! They can doAnything!! They
Know Everything!!

*giggles*

hey, I was only three and half years old, ya know? *grins*

So, I'm sittin' here lookin' at this book, an' it dawns on me tha' I'm
older Now than he was Then, an' THAT'S freekin' me a bit *laughs*

'cause I still can't figger out the simple shit *sigh*

I... hmm.  okay.  I made these:

http://www2.superx.net/torbtown/crystalgallery.htm

and Just got the site up last night, but I sent some samples to a few
folks early *shrugs* to, you know,,, brag *blush* an' three folks now
have asked me Wow! How'd you do that? *laughs*

an' I dunno, I mean, how do you answer a question like that?  say Well,
I took this image here and that one there and used this program here to
tweek this thataway and then bent that over there to over here...
*laughs*

tha's like sayin' Well, I took the paint brush an' stuck it in the paint
there, and then I waved it around on the canvas over here like so, and
hey, there ya go *giggles*

So I dunno how I did these.  Spent a buncha Time in front of the
computer.... spend a buncha Time doin' anything yer bound ta git it
right sooner or later

at least, tha's the Theory *laughs*

I gotta go
Torbjon

Subject:
        lazycrabbymoose
   Date:
        Sat, 06 Nov 1999 09:29:07 -0900

*sip*

mmmph

hmmph

So, I got up at 0530 this morning, 'cause fer the past six months or so
0530 was Really 0630, which is when I gotsta git up if I wanna be even
Remotely Human by the time 0800 rolls around, which is when work
starts...

An' I been doin' this since daylight savings time too *sigh* eyes Snap
open at 0530, brain freeked, why didn't the alarm go off?? how late am
I??? *laughs*  oh, I Try ta go back ta sleep fer that other hour, but
you know how that is, body clock Refuses to believe digital clock, body
pumps out those nasty chemicals that generate the 'Hey! Wake Up!! Yer
Late Bub!!' dreams and ya don't really Sleep at all but enstead end up
running a marathon in the dreamworld an' then ya wake up exhausted
*laughs*

OR, more often the case in one such as me, ya have Fish dreams *sigh*

SO, me eyes snap open at 0530, I grin, roll over, thinkin' COOL, one
more hour, an' off I go again, back inta dreamland....  an' there I am
on the van dock, an' Superior Pete drives up on a forklift with a pallet
of 100 pound crab boxes that are all munched up and soppy wet and really
Nasty Looking... he sets the pallet down, looks at me an' sez "yer gonna
love this, we're gonna do alla the crab in 100 pound boxes" to wit he
laughed evilly and drove off down the ally like the wicked witch of the
west *laughs*

Needless ta say I flew outta bed with the When Am I?? Where Am I??
feeling *sigh* it was 0620.  I turned off the alarm before it could go
off and startle me and piss me off  *blush*

I sat there in a daze

the radio droned on...

I called the call out.  I never call the call out to see what I'M
doing... I KNOW what I'm doing;  I'm doing whatever my fridgid little
heart desires... but I'm curious what the Rest of the plant is supposed
to be doing, so I call...

An' there's UnAbles voice, tryin' ta wrap his latin tongue around Korean
and Filipino names *giggles*

I listen... Auntie Karen is going in at 0700 with some other folks ta
unload boats...

I listen... Auntie Karen is Also going in at 0900 to play with crab
tails *laughs*

I wonder if UnAble KNOWS that simply reading the list Twice doesn't
Really mean that we have twice as many people to play with...hmmmm

So, he's mutilating names, and mumbling over the ones he has particular
difficulty pronouncing... an' then he stumbles across MY name... Packing
Room, 1500 *sigh*

1500, three p.m.   *grrrr*

I'm ready fer Bed by three p.m. *laughs*

My timing Sucks.

So, king crabbies are Here *shrugs*

The other thing that is here is a letter from the Moose *laughs*
Remember the Moose??   Ya, them, they are hunting me... I got a letter
from them yesterday.

I have the distinct impression that the Moose is composed of some
incredibly White people, white people with No rhythm, 'cause the letter
tha' I got yesterday tells me ta go in on October 29th fer my
sodomizing, er, um, initiation *laughs*

Their timing sucks.

-----

They found the body of the skipper of the Mistress last night *sigh*
haven't found his two kids or the boat, but it's pretty obvious she went
down...

so it goes

I gotta go
Torbjon

Subject:
        lazyhmmmm
   Date:
        Sat, 06 Nov 1999 19:40:15 -0900

so, I go in at three...  and the first thing I notice is that alla the
pallets an' stuff that Were in the van pit are not there any more

hmmmm

then I notice that a bunch of 'em are in the ally

hmmm...

so I peek around some more and discover that a bunch of 'em are in the
fridge, too *laughs*

but the van pit looks nice... ready fer the snow plow.

So I start doing my thing, wondering what's goin' on... they are Not
packing...

hmmmm

I load out some dungeness crabbies... some boss types walk by, notice
that I'm loading out crabbies, stop, look, notice that it's dungeness
and not kings, turn, leave *laughs* like I wasn't even there

I notice a half pallet of king crabbies in the fridge, something they
did yesterday.  the boxes are strapped shut enstead of taped shut...
that normally means samples or something weird... I set them aside.

I start another van with some halibut.  Chaos Junkie walks by wavin' his
arms sayin' Jay is strappin' boxes tha' should be taped *laughs*  I
mention that there are some strapped boxes in the fridge, he goes kinda
nutso then and gibbers something as he walks off

Sometime later he has me bring the strapped boxes out, they cut straps,
tape the boxes shut enstead.  I finish up the halibut, do the last of
dungeness, git the fridge all spacy and pretty, it's five o'clock now...
'dinner time'... and I notice that they are now restrapping the boxes
they just unstrapped and taped...

hmmmm

I told Jay that if he ever got around to actually Packing anything, ta
fill the fridge...

On me way ta clock out I bumped inta Superior Pete bringin' me a pallet
of A's from crab ally... I told 'im ta fill the fridge

I clocked out.

I came home.

I filled a mug with merlot *giggles*

seven rolled around and no one called in a panic, so I filled another
*laughs*

*sip*

good stuff, this.  Barton & Guestier, the, um, '97 *laughs*  very heady,
well rounded...

*sip*  and stony as all hell, too *smirks*

and blue cheese on triscuits.... oregon blue, the, um, '98, I think... I
dunno... It's been in the fridge a Loooong time,,, and it looks a Lot
bluer than the ones in the store.... it's actually a nice little cheese,
sharp enough to peel paint, rich earthy flavor, a tang that mixes nicely
with the wine...

*sip*

I gotta go
Torbjon

Subject:
        lazyMMMmmmmm
   Date:
        Sun, 07 Nov 1999 18:25:17 -0900

So I actually slept till 0635 this morning... I think the many mugs of
merlot helped *laughs*

so I woke up all fuzzy, knowing full well the brief buzz I bought last
night with a bottle o' booze was Not worth the bloody eyeballs and itchy
fingernails this morning *sigh*

legalize pot, willya? sheesh... an' Yer gonna have ta do it too, 'cause
we all know the stoners are too stoned ta vote *sigh*  or too scared....

anyway, I call in ta see what's goin' on, expecting something more or
less normal...

start up at 0700 instead of 0800 *laughs*

ayep, business as usual *giggles*

I debate whether or not to add water to the coffee, or just eat it
straight outta the bag...

git ta work, it ain't such a bad scene.... pretty normal, actually....

somewhere in there Mr. B tells me ta load out a van of stuff fer Hanwa
*shrugs*

cool

so I do it

rather quickly, actually *laughs* *shrugs* I was bored...

then the Hanwa guy comes back... he wants me ta do it differently
*laughs*

so we unloaded some stuff, rather quickly, actually *sighs* 'cause I'm
also Good...

fix his van... seein' how he's payin' like 16 bucks a pound fer this
stuff, an' there's like 40,000 pounds in a van *rolls eyes* the buyer is
My boss...

business as usual...

So I come home and get hopelessly sidetracked a dozen times, managing to
accomplish absolutely Nothing, when Auntie Karen brings me dinner!!
*dreamy* Real Food!!!! he heee heee *swoons* *melts* venison and mashed
potatoes and gravy and salad and cornbread

MMMMmmmmm *nibbles*

I think the bit about the blue cheese scared her *laughs*

*dreamy*

it's good to be loved.

I gotta go
Torbjon

Subject:
        lazyWhitegrrrrrrrr
   Date:
        Sun, 07 Nov 1999 21:21:39 -0900

mmph.

So I'm sittin' here playing with Paintshop, lettin' the creative bubble
form, getting into it...

an' the phone rings *sigh*

fuck it, let the machine answer... but you know how that is, yer focus
drifts away, you listen... see who it is, what's up... is it an
emergency??

"toooooooooorb, it is I, the Mighty Whitey, are you home?.... obviously
not..."

now then, had I been, say, peeing, or brushing my teeth, or flipping
eggs, or basically Anything other than hovering over the phone, that
wasn't enough time to pick up...

He starts his spiel...

I get up, walk over to the phone, listening...

he has been traveling around but now has arrived and he wants me to ship
his box to him Now, asap at such and such an address, and he hopes that
I'm taking care of things in Petersburg for Him, and he'll call me back,
didn't leave a number where I could reach him though...

and each syllable he says just frosts me a little bit more *sigh*

Oh it was politcally polite, the "Hi, how are ya? Vote for me" kinda
thing, ya know?

the kinda syrup that, seen second hand, looks pretty dam nice, but when
it's poured on you, ya just wanna vomit...

came at me like a fucking Boss is what he did, the prick, like Mr. B or
some jerk in Seattle handin' me a rush order
 

grrrrr
 

mmph

Subject:
        lazygiggles
   Date:
        Mon, 08 Nov 1999 15:31:31 -0900

"I'm not black but there's Lotsa times I wish I could say I'm not white"
--F. Zappa--

*giggles* Well, despite Flashbacks recommendation, I can't cop that
kinda attitude... *sigh* I WISH I could *dreamy*  There are times it
would be Real Nice to be an honest ta gods Asshole, but I can't pull it
off very well... I have this Horrible disease (terminal niceness) and a
fatal character flaw (I give a shit) both of which have No survival
value whatsoever *sigh* nor do the chicks seem to be turned on by it,
either *shrugs*  hmmph

so, being the sick fuck that I am, I lugged Whiteys box alla the way ta
work this morning, then lugged it alla the way back ta the postoffice at
break time and mailed the bloody thing to him.... DONE, with him, with
it, all of it. *sigh*

So, I loaded out a van of king crabbies fer Hanwa today... about a half
a million bucks worth of stuff in there *rolls eyes*  after all is said
and done, I might Actually make about thirty bucks fer loading that van
*laughs*

for some reason that just doesn't seem quite right, huh?  hmmm...

I'm very much ready for the world to stop... for just a minute or two...
just a little break *sigh*

it won't though...

it never does.

mmph

it's funny, I was Really looking forward to this year... it started off
so well, I was in a way groovy space, things were falling into place fer
me... then it all just sort of went to shit this summer *sigh* and it
never really got any better, either...

now...
mmph

Now I'm not looking forward to next season at all... I'm SICK of the
transients.  I'm SICK of their 'fuck this place, I don't care, I'm
leaving' attitude 'cause this place is Me and the shit they blow off or
don't care about becomes My Problem... like I don't  got enough problems
of my own, ya know? *laughs*
 

blah

When I woke up this morning
things were pretty bad
Seems like total silence
was the only friend I had
bowl of oatmeal tried ta stare me down
and won
and it was twelve o'clock before I realized
I was having
no fun
AHHH
but fortunately
I have the key
to Escape reality
and you may see me tonight
with an illegal smile
it don't cost very much
but it lasts a long while
won't you please tell the Man
I didn't kill anyone
naw,
I'm just tryin ta have me some fun

---
not sure who did that little ditty, but I always liked it

I gotta go
Torbjon

this is bloody bizarro

me dad said I'd probably git a lot of replies about that little ditty

four so far, three John Prines and a Hoyt Axton
here's the kicker:
I have YET to get MY copy of the bloody lazyletter that is generating
alla these replies *laughs!*

If I didn't just write the stoopid thing I wouldn't have a Clue what you
were talking about

okay, query:  DID Hoyt Axton every preform said piece?   I have a memory
of him singing it....

I also have a memory of the Easter Bunny, so what do I know? *smirks*

seeya
twj
 

*sip*
So, I've had numerous deep breaths, and a handful of advil...

so it's sorta safe ta say silly stuff

an' hour ago woulda been pure unadulterated rant, liberal libations of rage, with a little rabies jus' fer
the hell of it *giggles*

*sip*

So I git up this morning an' the first thing I notice in me decaffinated haze is the fact tha' it's fucking
freezing in here *giggles*

I git up and glance at the gas guzzeling god of goodly warmth, and the cheery little digital display on
me furnace greets me with a nice warm EE 6, which could mean anyone of a number of nifty little
things, but over the years I've come to learn that EE 6 means the bloody thing is outta fuel. *laughs*

So I git ta work, an' I call the gas guys, an' since they bought out the compitition it ain't like I got
choices *shrugs*

I tell 'em what's going down, who I am an' alla that stuff,,, then they tell me "oh ya, yer the guy with
the fifty gallon drum, huh?  you need to get a tank..."

"Well, ya, you said that last time.  Go for it, don't let me stop you, just send me the bill" sez I

"no, you have to do it" sez they

(I DON' WANNA FUCKING DO IT GODDAMIT YOU FILTHY SONSABITCHES)

"um, well, last time I called you said you could sell me a tank and take care of me and not let me
freeze, so, what?  you sayin' I'm gonna freeze tonight?" sez I Very Politely *giggles*

"who did you talk to?"

"I dunno, some guy"

"hold on..."

(WHERE AM I GONNA GO, YA FREEK)

"ya, sure... take yer time"

...muzak...

then some dude comes on, we chat, he assures me he won't let me freeze, I assure him there is No
Way in Hell that I'M gonna install this bloody thing, he tells me there's no fucking way THEY are
gonna do it 'cause of insurance crap, so they give me some names of dudes around town I can call
an' have them do it... he assures me again that things are cool so I call it a done enough deal an'
hang up.

Next on the ta do list;  tally holding nine... http://www2.superx.net/torbtown/meh9.jpg

namco work.

so I git the namco, send it up the elevator, git me fuzzy hat an' me boots an' the stereo an' a tally
board an' a pencil, an' I'm Ready...

Drive inta nine, scope out the scene, develope an attack plan, set up me tally sheet, hit play on the
stereo, hop on the namco, and whack my knee *sigh*

there's a variety of whackings... some whackings are even quite nice *smirk*

and there is a variety of knee and elbow whackings, too, funny nerve things that make yer knee
twitch or yer funny bone smart...

an' there's all kinds of knees, too... knobby knees and boney knees and dainty knees and sexy
knees and so on...

the knee that I whacked was a rather boney one

a knee that had been whacked before

quite soundly, actually *laughs*

so, ya, sure, I hit Right There again, ya know? *sighs*

the left side of me body went numb, a wave of nausea rolled over me an' I fell ta the ground in
agony *sigh*

the tape played

I thought death would be nice

it played a few more songs

amputation would be acceptable

the tape ran out

drugs would suffice

I screamed bloody murder at the top of me lungs and made up some very unique and intresting
curses

adreneline good...

I decided to get really pissed off at the fact that I'm laying there dead for eleven dollars and fifty
cents an hour *laughs*

I got up and ascertained the damage, nasty but not leathel

I tallied nine

then I tallied alla the rock fish...

then I bailed.

an' when I got home there was this big assed fucking Tank in me yard tha's bigger than me whole
friggin house!! *laughs*  but they filled the old tank so when I got inside me house was nice an'
toasty warm *dreamy*

an' there was a message on me machine

figger'd it was the gas guys sayin' something like "in case you didn't notice that huge hunk of metal in
yer yard..." sorta thing

but it was Whitey again... an' I dunno, I'm the first to admit that I gotta lot ta learn about everything,
an' maybe it was just alla the events of my day, but he frosted me again *sigh*  STILL didn't leave
ME a number so I could call 'im an' say Hey, I Sent Yer Box, Chill.  an' it strikes me as odd tha' he
won't call me at Work (which is where I am if I'm not here, duh)

on an up note, Linsy came back today... she'd been doin' something up north,,, crabbing or what
not *shrugs* I dunno... anyway, when she saw me she said "oh, hey, I have something for you from
Allison and Bethany, it's in my room, I'll give it to you tomorrow..."

this blew me away, Bethany Never talked to me at all and Allison only chatted with me in the line of
duty, they never seemed even Remotely intrested in me in anyway...

seems like it's been years since they left...

hhmmph.

curious though...

*laughs* it's probably just some tapes they borrowed that I forgot all about *grins*

I gotta go
Torbjon

Subject:
        lazy
   Date:
        Thu, 11 Nov 1999 13:09:46 -0900

The legend lives on
>From the Chippiwa down
Of the big lake they call
Gichigumi

The lake it is said
Never gives up her dead
When the skies of November
Turn gloomy

With a load of iron ore
Twenty six thousand tons more
Than the Edmond Fitsgerald
Weighed empty

The big ship and crew
Were bound to get chewed
When the gales of November
Came early

The ship was the pride
Of the American side
And was backed by some mill
In Wisconsin

As the big freighters go
She was bigger than most
With her crew and her captain
Well seasoned

Concluding some terms
With a couple of steal firms
They left fully loaded
For Cleveland

And later that night
When the ships bell rang
It'd be the North Wind
They'd been feeling

The wind and the wild
Made a tattletale sound
As the waves broke over
The railing

And every man knew
As the captain did too
It was the Witch of November
Come steeling

The dawn came late
And the breakfast had to wait
As the gales of November
Came slashing

When afternoon came
It was freezing rain
At the base of a hurricane
West wind

When supper time came
The old cook came on deck
Saying "Fellas, it's too rough
To feed you."

At seven P.M.
A main hatchway caved in
He said "Fellas, it's been good
To know you."

The captain wired in
He had water coming in
And the big ship and crew
Where in peril

And later that night
When her lights went out of sight
It was the wreck of
The Edmond Fitzgerald

Does anyone know
Where the love of God goes
When the waves turn the minutes
To hours?

The searchers all say
They'd have made white fish pale
As they put fifteen more miles
Behind her

They might have split up
Or they may have capsized
Or they may have broke in
And took water

All that remains
Is the faces and names
Of their wives, their sons,
And their daughters

Lake Heurion loathes
Superior it seems
In the rooms of their
Ice water mansions

Michigan screams
Like a young mans dreams
Her island and bays
Are for sportsmen

Farther below
Lake Onterio
Digs in with Lake Erie
In center

And the iron boats go
As the mariners all know
Where the gales of November
Remember

In a musty old hall
In Detroit they pray
In the maritime sailors
Cathedral

The church bell chimed
'Till it rang twenty nine times
For each man on the
Edmond Fitzgerald

The legend lives on
>From the Chippiwa down
Of the big lake they call
Gichigumi

Superior it's said
Never gives up her dead
When the gales of November
Come early

--G. Lightfoot--

Subject:
            15 miles to Whitefish Bay.
       Date:
            Thu, 11 Nov 1999 19:57:02 -0600

Torbilists:

        Living in central Wisconsin at the time (as I still do), I
remember well the week that the Edmond Fitzgerald went down.  It was
cold, and my ten-year-old mind had a difficult time imagining how frigid
it must have been on that vessel.  I tired to figure it out by thinking
about the discomfort I'd experienced on my windy, sleety four-block walk
home from school.

        There was some concern on my dad's side of the family for my
cousin Stanley, who worked on Great Lakes ore boats.  He wasn't on the
Fitzgerald, but because he may have been, the breaking story as covered
by WTMJ out of Milwaukee has, to this day, stuck with me like a stubborn
fender turd in January.  Whenever I hear Gordon Lightfoot's voice paying
homage to the crew, I get chilly, November, or not.

        Lake Superior is underestimated by most of the world.  It ain't
no lake.  Here in the dairyland, we refer to it's shore line as the
North Coast.  It's vast.
 
 

Brrrr.
 

Dean of Blue Mounds

Torbjon wrote:

> The legend lives on
> >From the Chippiwa down
> Of the big lake they call
> Gichigumi
>

Subject:
        lazykingpin
   Date:
        Fri, 12 Nov 1999 22:02:18 -0900

Wow..

*puff puff*

ya know...

If ya Never ever ever clean yer pipe....

*puff*

Ya never REALLY run out, ya know? *laughs*

An' if ya don't know what that means then don't worry about it, yer
probably healthier for it...

*puff*

hmmm..

these past few days... *sigh*

now there's a Novel.  *Laughs!!*

so, here's the gig...

do the journalistic bit and categorize and chronologify and do the He
said She said thing?

"he put his hand between her... she gasped and bit his... he whispered
softly as he..."

OR

git blitzed an' let me fingers do the walkin'?

*giggles*

((Oh!!! more He said She said!!!)) cries the crowd *smirk*

freeks

*puff*

So,

*puff*

So, if ya only write a few words per line like this...

then hit return a couple of times??

ya get Really Long Letters that don't say nuthin'! *giggles*

Or ya can git Highly caffinated an' pack a ton o' shit inta one tight
little paragraph, causing untold psychological damage ta the viewing
audience 'cause they just went through a page an' a half of empty space
then Wham! a big assed paragraph! he hee heee, just like smakin' inta a
brick wall, huh?  fucks you up something awful, leaves ya feelin' like
yer missin' something Really important, tucked away in there in alla
that garbage... some juicy tidbit or perhaps some little item pertaining
to a certain exploit of your Own.. some little misadventure that perhaps
you are feeling a trifle nervous about... the ol' "is he gonna print
that??" syndrome *wicked grin* "does he Know?" he hee heee

I prefer the spacey style myself...

*puff puff*

MUCH easier on the eyes...

And then FINDING that tiny tidbit that titillates YOUR particular
interest is much easier...

*ponders*

and if I spaced my words right...

there's a good chance that if you scrolled down the lazy Fast enough...

Searching for that little tidbit...

It could induce some form of R.E.M. state...

set up a lazy Alpha pattern in yer brain...

a feeling of warmth and peace...

a gentle state of mind...

one susceptible to my whims...

*giggles*

*puff*

Can you tell I'm avoiding work? *raises an eyebrow*

ya...

strange shit there...

*puff*

Very Strange Shit...

In other words, Business As Usual *grins*

The Unexpected IS Our Normal Routine...

Subject To Change...

*shrugs*

...

....

Chronology is a problem for me... the When Am I thing... Billy Pilgram
*laughs*

I GET a fair amount of email... some every day.  but Some days I git
Tons of the shit *laughs*

sorry,,, TONS of the shit *grins*

an' I notice it in waves... there's a Pattern there... an' it dawns on
me 'Oh, Ya, they all have more or less normal lives, with Mondays and
Fridays and Weekends and what not' *giggles*

Fer ME, right now, today is 316.  the year is 9.  the month is Red
King.... last month was Troll... before that was Salmon... Herring,,,,
Tanner....

but I only KNOW that it's 316-9 right now because I'm blitzed and
digging it *wink*  sometimes... a LOT of times... I'll be walkin' 'round
the factory and hey, presto, it sure looks and feels like 051-9, ya
know??

only the folks that live here are here...

it's weird little crabbies in weird little boxes with a bunch of weird
little japanese guys running around doing weird little things to
Everything...

and it's a super spendy product so everybody is super psycho about
it....

and the phone calls and choreography make stress fish look like
masturbating in the bathroom *laughs*  These guys have whole fucking
Barges diverted to come pick up their product *rolls eyes*

the only way ta tell the year is by the last digit, ya know?  the "9"
part = 1999... a "5" would be 1995, you see?  And we reuse our fiber
totes, so there are old tags on them and old tally marks and stuff... be
walking along, see a tote labeled Semi 6-9 nt.wt.1038 gr.wt. 1150 pe.
192-4-7 and a tally mark and ya, de ja vu is a good phrase for it
*giggles*  "What the??? did I tally that?? waitaminit... when.. oh ya,
okay" and so on... *sigh*

an' I'm STILL avoiding the work subject *laughs*  driving some folks
just apeshit bonkers, I'm sure *smirks*

*sigh*

I'm still trying to assimilate it all...

*puff puff*

so fuck it, it's My 316 night... um, I think that's a Friday for the
rest of you... an' I'm havin' fun with a lazy fer the first time in ages
*laughs*

By now it should be pretty obvious that I could very easily ramble on
forever about absolutely Nothing...

so I Gotta Go
Torbjon

Subject:
        lazy*dreamy*
   Date:
        Sat, 13 Nov 1999 14:47:57 -0900

So, today was me day ta sleep 'till noon *dreamy*

at 0836 Ivar an' Jeff knock on me door "YO! Torb! Ya in there??"
*giggles*

mmph-whada-budu-boo-huh?

Some bangin' an' crashin' about outside...

I git up...

I pull on a pair of pants...

I walk outside...

I notice something....

There's Jeff an' Ivar, all grins and giggles, they is gonna install my
new big assed oil tank... way cool,,,

but that ain't it...

They got jackets an' boots an' hats an' are all dressed up like it's
cold outside, I'm standing there in the gravel wearing nothing but a
pair of levis...

that ain't it either...

Jeff has a cup of coffee in his hand...

Bingo, tha's it. *giggles*

I start a pot of the good stuff...

dose... *dreamy*

they bang around, do stuff, get stuff, I hang out, drink coffee, smoke
cigarettes, don't even Pretend to help *laughs*

They do their thing and Presto, I got a new big assed oil tank installed
all neat and pretty *grins*  I can blow up half the island now *smirks*
gotta love that he hee heee

and now it's noonish.

SO... here's what I know about the Red King Crab Auction down at Kitos
Cave.  To my knowledge this is still just hearsay and we'll have to wait
fer the police report ta come out in the Pilot ta git the Official
Garbage *shrugs*  but everybody is askin' ME about it, so, here it
goes...

(keep in mind that this is just ONE of the MANY little bits of weirdness
back in my world *sigh*)

Last Sunday... 311 *laughs*.... we packed out some red king crab.  we
have two sized packages we do that in in our packing room;  25 pound
boxes and 3 kilogram boxes.  the 3kg boxes are strapped together into a
nifty little bundle so there are TWO boxes per bundle (6kg of product)
these nifty little bundles don't stack worth a shit on a pallet... or
anywhere else fer that matter *laughs* they are kinda round and tippy
and a pallet of this stuff is a sketchy load to say the least... SO,
sunday we're packin', and Big Dave is drivin' a sketchy pallet of this
stuff inta the fridge ta stash it... I'm in the fridge too, getting
something else out... his sketchy pallet is starting to go *giggles*

"TOOOOORB!!! What Do I DOOOO????" cries Big Dave, as he watches his load
do the super slowmotion stop yer heart thing *laughs*

I gaze at his dilemma, calculate the gravitational constant, throw in
the improbability curve, and see that I can let Big Dave stress it fer
one point two seconds before sayin' "just set it down Right There..."
*smirk* he hee heee

He sets it down real careful like, watches it shimmy and slinky and then
steady itself, and ten zillion pounds of stress just lifts from his
shoulders *giggles*

"thankyouthankyouthankyou" sez he to the pallet gods

Both Dave and I focused on this particular pallet a lot in those
moments, and because of what went down it was now sitting pretty much
smack dab in the middle of holding five, all by itself... pretty
noticeable little unit, everything else is more or less in ordered rows,
except this one pallet of 80 3kg boxes of red king crab...

they packed some more...

I went home after doing my things, letting them pack till the cows came
home if they wanted to...

Next day, Monday... 312... I go in an' load up a van of this stuff... I
git ta the pallet that Dave set in the middle of the room... an' I
notice that now there is only 78 boxes on it.  in other words, a bundle
was missing *shrugs*

a wide variety of reasons for this came to mind... had it been any other
pallet my first thought woulda been that their tally guy fucked up an'
can't count *laughs*  but I KNEW that particular pallet was full when I
left the night before.  so then I thought, well, improbability caught up
with it an' a bloody bundle fell offa the thing during the night an'
some bozo Saw it laying on the floor and tossed it up ontop of some
Other pallet of crabbies... so I peeked around... nope.  Then I thought
maybe the Hanwa guy, the dude that bought alla this stuff, took himself
a little sample fer dinner last night, not Normal procedure but I
wouldn't put it past the guy... so I asked him, "Hey! did you take a
Sample?" nope. not him. then I thought some Q.C. person came and took it
'cause it was mispacked or misgraded or mismarked or somesuch... nope,
not them either.  so somebody ripped it off, which struck me as Really
Odd because this stuff we are doing is for Export Only, and it has a
chemical on it that (people tell me, since I don't eat crab) makes the
meat taste So Bad that only the Japanese can eat it *laughs*

but I'm loading out vans, so I just mark on the pallet tag the
discrepancy... it's not the only tag with discrepancies, and having
pallet tags Not match with what's Actually on the pallet is not uncommon
in my little world... I just mark it on the tags as I load out the vans
and give alla the tags ta Marva and make it Her problem *laughs*

Thursday... 315.... morningish,,, Jay, our packout lead, comes ta me an'
tells me that the cops just came an' woke 'im up, an' said that somebody
was accusing HIM of stealing crabbies and selling them!  he was way
freeked by it all, asked me if his tags were fucked up and if I knew
anything and Oh God What Do I Do kinda freeked... knowin' yer innocent
but being treated like yer guilty kinda stress, ya know? *sigh*  I told
'im about the tags an' ta not stress it.

Later that day the Chaos Junkie comes at me an' sez I needs ta lock up
Everything Alla the time, even the vans... this ain't new... we lock up
tanner crab every year too *shrugs*
(side bar: MY philosophy is that locks only stop Honest people *shrugs*)

Still later that day, Mr. B. comes back an' tells me an' Jay tha' we
gotta go have a meeting with Mr. Wilson (The plant manager) about
Security

Now then, I had whacked me knee some time before alla this, so That
particular morning started off with a handfull of Advill, a smaller
handfull at lunch, an' a couple more at dinner, well, I was feelin'
pretty dam groovy by the time this meeting with the Man rolled around
*laughs*

So, we git up ta the Mans office, an' MY first concern is if he's got
any of those groovy little lemon drops left *giggles*  love those things

Jay is shakin' like a leaf... I don't think he's ever been in Mr.
Wilsons office before, I dunno...

So, they spend about an hour or so tellin' us five minutes worth of shit
(lock everything, keep yer eyes open, be more careful, yadda yadda
yadda)  there was some bonding, and chatting and bullshitting, the boss
types tellin' us stories of other bits of weirdness from days gone by...
I saw it as a politically groovy thing, myself... Jay couldn't git into
it though *laughs* poor guy...

at that point in time I don't think they knew who all was involved, so I
do believe that Part of the meeting was ta see if any of us would crack,
ya know? *Laughs!!!*

good lemon drops though...

316... yesterday... Friday.

I'm hearing rumors, people are asking me things... the rumors I heard
were that some dude was in Kitos Cave (a bar) AUCTIONING off a 3kg box
of our king crab *bursts out Laughing!!*  STILL IN OUR FUCKING BOX!! I
mean, the bozo didn't even have Brains enough ta bust open the box an'
repack it inta a brown paper bag, ya know?

it's gittin' close ta lunch time, most of the packers have split
already, just a few of 'em left, strapping up the last of the boxes...
me waiting around ta lock everything up... here comes Cindy with Officer
Ray,,, or Officer Oby, or whatever that pricks name is... Lookin' fer
Mark...

Mark is one of the labor unready dudes we hired this past summer... an'
alcoholic bozo BUT he showed up lookin' fer work everyday, so I didn't
have no problems with him...

two things flashed across me mind:

he was there and is a witness

or

he did it

I go ta lunch,   I come back, an' there's Jamillia, one of the biggest
gossip whores on the island, tellin' me he did it  *shrugs*  I dunno...

I was told by some others that he was escorted offa the property by our
night watchman and into a troopers rig....

he did Not come back ta work after lunch, that much is Certain...

1:30, I'm thinkin' this whole gig is now finally over except fer the
comments and jokes...

an' here's this 'new' shop guy we hired last summer... um,,, bill or
william or some such... freeky little dude...  I made 'im move his truck
outta my van pit once many many moons ago, that has been MY dealings
with him, since then he always says Hi Torb, Hey Torb, What's Up Torb
and so on,,, all buddy buddy like *shudders*  the freek.

so here's this freeky little dude on my van pit, just Stinking Drunk.

what the fuck?? thinks I

"what do you need?" sez I

he is Very Very Drunk.  he slurs that he wants some king crab but they
won't sell him any in the office and he tries ta shove a wad of money
inta my hand!!! *bursts out laughing!!!*

half me brain is thinking that this is just Too Much...

the other half is thinking This Is A Sting *laughs*

I Hate drunks *sigh*

I tell 'im ta go home and drink some coffee an' come back tomorrow, they
will sell him some crab then,, don't panic, you will get your crab, but
you are Too Drunk Now, Go Home... he finally got the message and
split....

and that, comrades, is just One of the little bits of oddness that went
down this past week *laughs*

and that's just One of the many little reasons why I'm less than pleased
with Whitey, 'cause after a day of that shit the LAST thing I want to
find on my phone when I get home is some asshole accusing me of playing
games all day and doing drugs and ignoring him and having fun, ya know?

'cause I'm not having very much fucking Fun with this at all

another little thing tha' was hangin' over me head was that Bob from BCS
(they I send most of my stuff to down in Washington state) had been
tryin' ta git in touch with me *sigh*  I was assuming that a van blew
open in his face an' killed somebody or the tally was way off an' he was
pissed or some such normal thing...

he finally got a hold of me on Friday.

first words outta his mouth were along the lines of  "How Are You??
How's It Going Up There??"  this kinda threw me *laughs* I was expecting
something more like "you remember van number yadda yadda?  ya well,
it..." and so on

so I held the phone up an' let 'im hear the packing room  "hear that?
tha's how it's goin'.  we're doin' red king crab..."

"oh wow" sez he "is any of that coming our way?"

this was really throwing me for a loop, why the hell you asking ME,
don't you Know??

"ya, I think so,,, I got at least a van of stuff they Tell me is
domestic but I haven't seen any orders for it yet"

"so, how much chum do you have left??" sez he

I've gone beyond loopy and into the Twilight Zone now, 'cause I'd just
tallied alla the chum not too long ago at the request of our bozo in
Seattle... doesn't BCS have access to that info???

I told him how I'd just tallied it all an' gave the info to Marva an our
dude in Seattle but offa the top of me head it's about a half dozen
vans...

we chat some more... very odd... then he says "oh, by the way, the vans
have been looking Really Good these past couple of months" *laughs*

I could NOT refrain from laughing then *giggles* "What, you mean since
my alcoholic assistant left?"

there was a pause then, that was the first time, too, none of my other
flippancy threw him ANY... then he said "oh, I don't know... when did he
leave?"

"first week of September"

"Yep.  That'd be about right" sez he *laughs*

I tried Really Hard, I defended Mr. Stitts all summer long, *sigh*  but
hearin' Bob say those words, that MY vans were groovy and everybody's
else's had much to be desired... well, felt good, tha's all.

Ain't nobody said Atta Boy to me in a long time, ya know?  an' havin' a
big muckymuck in a multimillion dollar industry say that I do good
work,,,, well,  that was Nice.  Real Nice.

I imagine I looked just like Big Dave did when he set that sketchy
pallet down and it didn't fall apart on him *giggles* the ol'
Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou thing *giggles*

now if I could just git Bob ta tell MY bosses here an' the ones in
Seattle what a groovy dude I am... *sigh*

oh well.

okay, I'm gonna go do something that isn't even loosely related ta
seafood...

seeya
Torbjon

Subject:
        lazyantirain
   Date:
        Mon, 15 Nov 1999 20:41:12 -0900

So, it's kinda cold...

An' rainy...

An' Dark *giggles*

An' Work?... bah.   tha's a freeky place an' I just left that scene...

So I git home an' what do I find?  a buncha Groovy stuff fer the Wanted
Folder *smirks* he heee heeee

nice stuff

warm stuff

a double dose of sunshine *swoons*

got some nice things from the Sunset Girl *dreamy*

an' got a lot of nice things from the Sun Goddess *melts*

gonna be fun building the pages *grins*
 
 

but then there's that work thing *sigh*

an' tha' work thing ain't gonna let me work on the site much at all fer
a while... mmph...

soon it will Snow and we'll Have to stop.... Right??

*laughs*
well, it was just a thought *shrugs*

I gotta go
Torbjon

Subject:
        lazycrabbies
   Date:
        Wed, 17 Nov 1999 02:21:36 -0900

I ache... *sigh*

nottice the time... *laughs*

I'm just getting home from work *sigh*

long fucking day...

It started yesterday,,, um Two days ago now,,, at 10:26 at night *sigh*

I was in bed, snugglin' with me pillow, saying sweet nothings to it...
very Warm... very Comfortable...

an' the phone rings *sigh*

Okay, I got a machine fer that
 

The machine picks up

and whoever it was hung up *shrugs*

okay, wrong number, no biggy...

I snuggle back down an' git comfy again...

The phone rings *grrrr*

The machine picks up...

they hang up. *sigh*

If they would listen to the bloody message I woulda thought it was kids
checkin' out what groovy little ditty I got goin' This time, but they
don't even leave a message...

it rings again.

I GET UP.

They hang up *Sigh*

I wait by the phone...

I wait...

I wait...

I say fuck it and go back to bed.

and it Rings Again!

Grrrrrrrrr!

I git up, I grab the phone...

"WHAT?" sez I

It's Whitey *sigh*

He didn't wanna leave me a message on the machine 'cause they would
like, Charge him a few bucks ta do that *rolls eyes*  So enstead he just
kept calling and hangning up, calling and hanging up, and so on, untill
I um... "got off my lazy ass and answered the phone, ha ha"

he's haveing a Great time, drinkin' and drugin' and fornicatin' an' alla
that good stuff there, and for some reason he found just about
everything about me and my life hillarious *sigh*  Basically he just
called up to say he got the box, he's cheap, and he has access to email
now but won't use it 'cause he's better than that... and other such
friendly chit chat *sigh*

I didn't sleep too well that night *laughs*  the freek

So I git up this morning... um, Yesterday morning, I go ta work...

Chaos. *laughs*

red king crab *sigh*  stress fish on crack *giggles*

part of the stress is from that idiot Mark that ripped off a couple o'
boxes of the stuff outta the fridge *sigh*

Mr. Bs counter attack?? have ME load alla the crabbies inta a van and
lock That door enstead *laughs*  Typical management reaction, yes?  'oh,
we lost a few eggs outta the fridge, well, let's put ALL our eggs in one
basket... a basket with Wheels *rolls eyes* a basket that has a better
chance of breaking than the fridge does... that's Better' *laughs*

And The Fucking Locks!! Sheeeeeesh!! everything has a lock now...
Everything.  my key chain was heavy enough as it was, thank you...

an' I got ta load and unload and reload a buncha vans because of it,
too...

*sigh*  I've lifted like a million pounds of king crab *laughs* oh, we
didn't get that much, oh no...

I'm reminded of those pics ya see of the Depression,,, a long line of
guys, all with a shovel, diggin' a hole in front of 'em, dumpin' their
dirt to the left, fillin' THAT guys hole up,, while they are doin' that,
someone is filling THEIR hole up...round and round... everyone
Working,,, NOTHING getting DONE though *sigh*

an' the great white boss man yammering at you "but we PAY you, you
should be Satisfied, you should be Happy, you should be Pleased" *sigh*
I was raised differantly than that... my work ethic is just a wee bit
more Constructive than clock sucking or wage slaving... I require
constructive/creative Results... Results OTHER than just spinnin' yer
wheels fer a buck, ya know?

Keep in mind it's Really Late, I'm Really Spent, an' I'm SURE that every
other paragraph is like, Missing from this letter *laughs* but I'm
trying... If I don't rant out at least Some of this now, I'll loose it
all in the jumble, ya know? *sigh*

Linsy left today.... a Lot of folks left today...

and I'm just pissed off *shrugs*  work is NORMAL *laughs* there is
nothing New there... *ponders* tha's probably Part of why I'm pissed
*sigh*

Mr. B is Trying... the Chaos Junkie is Trying... hell, even I'm
Trying...

an' we're all trying ourselves crazy *laughs*

The Superior one,,, (in the office they call 'im Pete If -- as in 'ya,
Pete, IF he shows up... *laughs*)  tells me tha' Bait Boy wants ta come
over and 'see' my place... see how the freeky little lazyletter guy
dwells, *Laughs*

Bait Boy has Never come ta visit me offa the clock...

Ever.

Tha's one bored bait boy *smirks*

'and over here we have the infamous pile of dishes that haven't been
washed since July.  and over there is the mound of laundry that I pick
through to find something less dirty than what I'm wearing...' *grins*

I better go, gotta git up in about four hours now *laughs*

Say you don't need no diamond ring
And I'll be satasified
Tell me that you want the kind of things
That money just can't buy.
'Cause, I don't care too much for money,
Money can't buy me Love

seeya
Torbjon

Subject:
        lazymorning
   Date:
        Sun, 21 Nov 1999 11:17:08 -0900
 

hmmm...

*sip*

been a while, huh?

ya, there's Reasons fer that *laughs*

not particularly Good reasons, but reasons none the less...

suffice it to say I don't have clue one as to which way is Up anymore,
nor am I very cognizant of When we are *sigh*

In a way... *sigh*  in a way havein' had this publication runnin' fer
like, two years now isn't such a groovy thing, ya know?  'cause I can go
back an' look at an old lazy an' go "yep, that was yesterday" *laughs*

why write a new one??  *sigh*

"oh, we've come Back to Here again?  okay, just check out lazyletter
number yadda yadda on Stardate such and such, I gotta go" *laughs*

When I conduct business or interact with Reality World, I am made aware
of the fact that most folks function on linear Time... there Was a
yesterday, it Is today, there Will Be a tomorrow... the Past into the
Future, forever... a Line.  a Time Line.

But living where I do, working in a seasonal industry, intermixed with
lifers and transient workers and comrades...  and being the basket case
that I am... I just don't see it...

Time is circular.  It's so circular it's silly *sigh*  'tomorrows'
raindance can affect 'yesterdays' weather, ya know?

bah.

sittin' here on a sunday morning, sipping and smoking and wondering what
is reality is not really the way ta start yer day, is it? *laughs*

an' yer all goin' bonkers with the Holiday thing, huh?  I'm sure
choreography, Time, and the lack there of, is on yer minds, too
*laughs*  that an' the fact that brother Bob from Boloxi might have a
thing fer sheep an' aunt Pat might really be Uncle Pat, or perhaps just
the thought of another dinner full of jell-o suprise, lumpy gravy, and
something that could only be described as larks vomit is perhaps a bit
more pressing right now *shrugs* I dunno...

here on the rock it's dark, it's cold, an' I'm still workin' *sighs*
and that ain't nothing New,,,

so,

I gotta go.
Torbjon

Subject:
        lazy420
   Date:
        Mon, 22 Nov 1999 18:25:34 -0900
 
 

*puff*

So,

*sip*

So who isn't living in a world of shit? hmmm? I mean, really, whos job
doesn't suck, whos life isn't lacking, who Is walking on clouds??  any
of us??  Any of us just way pleased ta drag our asses outta bed in the
morning?  Any of us actually looking forward ta puttin' our noses ta the
grindin' wheel, an' trudge off down ta the salt mines in the morning fer
another day of wage slaving??

*puff puff*

oh, it Does happen... *ponders* an' it very probably happens to
Everybody at some point in their lives... I've had a couple of real
groovy cloud walkin' experiences just this year alone... coming back
from my leave last winter an' discovering that I was a key guy with a
nifty little bonus check, THAT was Cool *dreamy*  now I discover that
was pretty much a technical oversight and wasn't meant to be and ain't
Gonna be this year *sighs, rolls eyes*  The groovy chick was another
cloud walker *dreamy*  Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't WAIT ta
git back ta work *giggles*  Talk about incentive!! *smirks*  That had ta
crash ta earth too though *sigh* hmmph.. bah.

An' when yer in a world of shit you just KNOW everyone else has it
better, right? *laughs*

so I did, and am doing, a survey... I chat with Tim.  Now then, I don't
really have a choice about chatting with Tim, Tim is THE ChaosJunkie, an
incredibly caffinated individual on a Bad day, an' trust me, you Don't
want to see him truly Amped up *sigh*  it's Scarry *shudders* he scales
the sides of buildings or walls of totes and then leaps on top of you
(or you AND your forklift) as you go by, howling insane ninja gibberish
at the top of his lungs *sigh*

the Chaotic one has been workin' here twice as long as me an' I been
here way too long already, ya know?  So, here's a guy with some
senority, some knowledge and skills, someone who can git the shit done,
and they ream him and treat 'im like shit and dump more responsibilities
onta him without dumping any extra cash along with it, just like the
rest of us...

okay, fine, tha's pfi, screw us till we quit, business as usual, no
biggy.  they have an agenda and it doesn't include brains *shrugs* It's
Their company.

So, I talk ta Nells down at the post office.  Nells was the van dock god
before Al, before Me, way back in the days when Dragons roamed the earth
*giggles*  We're chattin', I ask about his current gig, being a postal
type guy, what's it like, is it groovy, yadda yadda...  it's a Job.  not
as bad as Hell but not groovy, not fulfilling...

I chat with Donna... She works in the Trading Union now, but a
gazzillion years ago when I was just a punk assed trayer in the fish
house, she was one of me graders.  Workin' in T.U. sucks, the folks are
freeeks, yadda yadda yadda...

I chat with Marco... He's doin' a gig in the convinience store now but
way back he and I trayed fish an' scrapped black cod together... sellin'
cigarettes an' esspresso an' donuts is a Job, it sucks, yadda yadda...

Bump inta Rory, I don't see him much 'cause he's workin' up at the big
store, Hammer and Wikkans out by the air port, but way back we did some
production together, an' he was me driver on a couple of gigs, always
got along with him pretty well... he's diggin' his Life, the wife and
kids and stuff, but the Job?  it just pays the bills, his attitude is
too cool to say it sucks, but it's just a job, ya know?
 

so far the survey ain't lookin' too cool *laughs*

I git a lot of folks at work comin' at me tellin' me how fucked up work
is... *rolls eyes*

ya, sure, it sucks.  it's a job, it's  work.  it's AIN'T a labor of
love, it AIN'T an artistic endevor... it's wage slaving.

without esprit d'corp and comradery and unity and sense of purpose it's
a Job *sigh*

an' Jobs suck *shrugs*

so no, I don't want a new job or a better job or differant job.

I don't want a job at all *laughs*

oh well

it gets better

I gotta go
Torbjon

Subject:
        lazyshoulds
   Date:
        Tue, 23 Nov 1999 18:24:07 -0900

ever notice how Shoulds and Guilt go hand in hand?  The ol' "I Should Do
(fill in that thing you ain't doing right here)"

now I ain't talkin' 'bout the To Dos, or the dreaded Honey Dos, naw,
those ya Gotta do if ya wanna stay alive *laughs*

but the Should dos... like, you Should write a letter to so and so but
you don't Because... or you Should do the dishes but you don't Because..

because you don't feel like it now, or you don't wanna or don't have to
or they will understand or whatever *shrugs*

no one is Telling you to do it except You...

an' you feel guilty 'cause you ain't doin' it...

that ever happen to you?

so what the fuck is with that, anyway??  I mean, self induced guilt,
what an infliction! *giggles*.. *ponders*  affliction?  inflection?
infection?? everything is science fiction *laughs* bah.

so I got the next three days off, can you believe it??

She who is to lame to have a silly nickname called me inta the office
the other day ta sign my evaluation *laughs*

Whitey filled out my eval *rolls eyes*

Oh it was a nice write up and all, that don't bother me none... but why
didn't Tim write it up?  or Mr. B?? or hell, Ted the main van man down
at AML??  Somebody I do business with Every fucking day ALL year Long?
this is my yearly evaluation an' the guy that did it did not witness my
performance during Tanner crab or Sitka herring or fall long line or Red
King crab or inventory or clean up or the upcoming bait herring gig
or... well, you get the picture.

but the Other thing I had to review was my attendance report *sigh*  I
haven't had two days off in a Row in over seventeen forevers *giggles*
lot of Partial days where I'd come in, do my thing, then split early,
but not a chunk of days off in a row where you could Really tie one on,
ya know? *smirks*

'cause ya see, Last winter I gave Auntie Karen a bottle of kaluha that
me dad made *grins*

And where as I am most definitely down on bath tub gin, dirty brown pot,
and basement powders; Manzanita Mountain Moonshine, Sticky Green Buds,
and Sandos Pharmaceuticals is an Entirely different animal *grins* ya
know?

he hee heee

I electrified the front door and let the starving lions loose in the
yard.

I got me a bottle.. well, two thirds of a bottle, of Highly caffinated
moonshine *dreamy*

I got me about 86 hours of quality torbtime *swoons*

an' I got me a Lot of dishes I Should do *laughs*

I gotta go
Torbjon

Subject:
        lazy
   Date:
        Wed, 24 Nov 1999 12:29:17 -0900
 

*sip*

mmph

*sip*

mmm

*puff puf*

oh ya..

*dreamy*

mmMMMmmm

lazymorning rituals, gotta love 'em *grins*

No Hurry *dreamy*

No Hurry At All *swoons*

*sip*

no stress *sappy grin*

an' no fuckin' email, what's with that?? *poke poke*

I'm under the firm impression that Some of you, at least, believe that
me lazies leech inta yer machines and souls and somehow through some
psycho sensory sending system transmits alla those snide remarks and
silly snickers yer sappy synapses sparkle with *giggles* an' that,
through the sheer will power of osmosis alone, I Know *sigh*  lot of
folks here seem ta think I Know everything *Laughs!!*

*sip*

So Nick signed on the other day... week... *ponders*  sometime in the
not too distant past.

Apparently this Nick dude used ta work up north of us in the fishing
industry in days gone by and is therefore, by default, the First Fish
Freek on the list that Ain't of PFI decent.

Never met this Nick dude in me life *shrugs* For all I Know, he might
not even Be a freek, he might be a Fruit, or a Flake, or just some
Fluke, *shrugs* I dunno...

So, how did Nick sign on??

This chick in New York, Marieke, sent him some of me better bits and got
'im hooked *shrugs*

So who the hell is Marieke?? *laughs*

*sip*

just some chick.  Admittedly, packing the proper chromosomes is a Big
Plus, *grins* but tha's not a lot to go on...

So how'd She git on the list??

*ponders*

*puff puff*

Dale and Sandy... I think... *puff puff*

ya...

a friend of theirs... a Daughter of a friend of theirs... *laughs*
*rolls eyes* no Wonder I remembered *giggles* *blush*

um, so, let's see... this Nick dude to the Cute Chick, to her Folks, ta
Dale an' Sandy...

*sip*

Dale an' Sandy... tha's a name I know....  sorta... *laughs*  I git some
emails from 'em from time ta time, an' way back when I went ta some
dinners an' a party with them an' me folks... but me memories of that
are sketchy ta say the least *laughs*

So they be friends of My folks...

So that makes Nick, what? Five times removed from the original little
list o' friends an' family? *laughs*

bizare

who woulda thought taking over the world would be so easy? *grin*

I gotta go
Torbjon

Subject:
        lazysnow
   Date:
        Sun, 28 Nov 1999 13:46:21 -0900
 
 

*sip*

It's Snowing *dreamy*  Dumped about an inch in just the past hour alone
*grins*

Some folks associate Snow with Shovel... others see Snow with Chain
Saw... still others see Snow as a shitty scene altogether, chains on yer
car, frozen pipes, frumpy clothes, long lines....

I see Snow as Silent *swoons*

ya see, my home... *glances around*, um, my hovel, has a metal roof.
An' the vans have metal roofs... and the factory has a metal roof, an'
pretty much every where I hang out up here has a metal roof or no roof
at all *sigh*

and it rained about 160 inches of rain here this year *bursts out
laughing!! (the Amazon basin only got about 130 inches so far this year
and They are a "rain forest" *smirks*)

Rain on the roof fer nine months *sigh* on the roof or on yer head....

drip drip drip

drop drop drop

day and night

loud

wet

rain

*sigh*

and you wonder why I'm bonkers *laughs*

for the first time in ages shit is Falling from the sky and it's Quiet,
and Dry and even Warm *laughs*

funny... I don't even think about the sun anymore... just Non Rain...
Anything Non Rain is COOL *grins*

if the Non Rain included some sex and drugs, all the better *laughs* but
Non Rain is good enough

So, I spent the past few days tryin' ta figure out just How ta go about
doing what I want to do with torbtown, looking at things like
<!#"something.meaningless" & ^/.../ & "somewhere.else" %&%_#% !> untill
me forehead started ta bleed *sigh*

Now when I was growin' up, things like "$#*%&^!!!" was what comic books
and Mad Magazine used instead of "fuck you", ya know?  just some
nonsense meaningless symbols 'cause they were too chicken shit to write
what they Really meant, ya know? I mean, I see "@$$#0!&" and "$#!+" an'
I think "asshole" and "shit", ya know? NOT "oh, by the way, computer?  I
need you to query the user and ask them their name, would you do that
for me? and  then ask them for their password, there's a good chap"

*rolls eyes*

who comes up with these New and Improved languages, anyway?? What
happend to the Old Unimproved ones that, like, Made Sense? *laughs*

bah.

It's snowing *smirk*
I gotta go
Torbjon

Subject:
        lazycool
   Date:
        Mon, 29 Nov 1999 19:49:30 -0900
 

*dreamy*

no,....

*Dream* Fucking *EEEEEE*!!

he hee heeee

*swoons*

Now then, as most of you know, I live on an island *shrugs*  An' if my
babbling and Cindys reiteration of me babbling didn't git through, it's
a rain forest kinda island complete with swamps and rocks and glaciers
and all things fishy *laughs*

What we Don't have is franchises *shrugs*  I think it has to do with the
rain forest myself but maybe the city council has a say in it too, I
dunno *shrugs*

But we don't have ANY kind of chain store or franchised business here,
no K-Mart, no Sizzler, no Safeway, no McDonalds, no Roundtable, no 7-11
or AM/PM or any of that... Zilch.  there's a sorta Radio Shack (part of
the Trading Union) and a sorta Ace Hardware store (part of the Trading
Union)  and I THINK tha's British Petrolium gas they sell out by the
ferry terminal in that new kinda wannabe AM/PM thingy, but I'm not
sure...

We got the Homestead cafe (closed sundays) an' the Alaskafe (closed
sundays) an' Coastal Cold Storage (closed sundays) and a couple of mom
an' pop pizza places (which, for some bizzare reason, are Not closed on
sundays *laughs*)

An' alla that is Groovy.  It's Cool,... kinda Nice even, not seeing yet
ANOTHER Starbucks coffee house, ya know?

But you know how it is when yer trapped on an island in a rain forest in
Alaska (notice I keep mentioning Rain forest *sigh* ya... it STOPPED
FUCKING SNOWING!! THE BASTARDS!! grrrrrr, rain sucks)

but you Know how it is when IT ain't there *sigh* when IT ain't Anywhere
near where YOU are and IT ain't GONNA be near you anytime soon...

You WANT IT *laughs*

you Want It Bad...

Badly? *ponders* *laughs* bah

you want it So Bad that that is ALL you can think about *sigh*

I git that way with chicks an' drugs alla the time *SIGH*  See, I grew
up in California, an' the shit they show you on teevee about it?  it's
pretty true:  LOTS of super classy ladies All Over The Place, and
whereas I don't think California Invented marijuana, they sure as hell
Produce a lot of the shit *laughs* it's all over the place too... so ya,
sure, when I Lived there *shrugs* no big deal, ya know?  no hurry, no
stress...

now though *rolls eyes*

now I'm sittin' here in a blissed out state over a smell.

A common smell.

A smell avalable all around the world...

A smell so constant and universal it's Scary *shudders*

Marva, remember Marva?  the groovy chick in the office tha' does alla me
paperwork for me?  Well, she did not stay Here for the holiday, oh no,
She went to a place where they Have cheap assed franchised garbage and
fast foods with multiplex movie theaters and malls an' floozies on the
street corners sellin' drugs an' Everything *laughs*

An' she brought me back a Happy Meal from McDonalds *swoons*

an' it's in me oven Right Now, pumping that Classic McDonalds smell all
over the house *dreamy*

and this IS heaven *bliss*

*dreamy sigh*

*swoons*

mmmmmmm *grin*
 

an' I tell ya alla this Not ta show you what a looser I am, but so that
maybe, just Maybe, the next time you look at that totally Common thing
in yer life, or maybe that totally common Person in yer life, that
person/place/thing that is just There, everyday... maybe you'll see that
it ain't so common after all...

in fact,

it's pretty fucking special

I gotta go
Torbjon

Subject:
        Re: lazycool
   Date:
        Tue, 30 Nov 1999 01:11:35 -0800 (PST)

Hmmmm... Gee.  Torb is a great guy and very ill and
terribly silly  (aren't you Torby?).  McDonalds???
holy gamergatroid! That is down right disgusting.  I
hope I don't offend too many folks out there. But do
not eat McSHIT.  It is filthy evil food.  It will kill
you.  It is just a small incentive to lure us all into
the brainless masses, much like the internet...
::eyes computer suspiciously:: little time sucking
beast.
anyhow, for those who have not been there... Alaska is
the greatest place on Earth, better than Disney World,
better than any fast food anywhere or any mall...
I grew up there and went back after high school to
work in good ole PFI...
So work sucks, what job doesn't suck?  very few
unfortunately...
and is AM/PM really all that great?  hell no...
are major business corporations so fabulous?  Do they
garuantee job security?  Do they always have what you
"need"???  hell no...
can I get an amen out there?
Life is Beautiful... we were all born with two
incredible gifts.
1) the ability to choose (which begins long before
most of us remember)
2)and unlimited possibilities
Suck it up Torb.  You aren't missing a thing.  Except
for really kinky sex... but then you have to contend
with another person and even that leaves plenty of
room for complaints at times...
Do you really want a McSHIT on that beautiful island?
Go to another island or the main land then...
Some places are meant to be a haven safe from movie
theatres, television, traffic, newspapers that only
highlight the downfalls of society...
I love that Island.  I left a walkman at a pay phone
and 12 hours later it was still there.  I lost my
wallet and at dinner it was on my bunk.
Where else can you find such a diverse group of people
sharing such a tiny chunk of land that don't get pie
on Sunday?  probably just Petersburg...
You live in a rain forest, you moved there... what did
you expect?
You like it there and you know it
don't make me come up there and give ya a whoopin'
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

--- Torbjon <torbjon@alaska.net> wrote:
> *dreamy*
>
> no,....
>
> *Dream* Fucking *EEEEEE*!!
>
> he hee heeee
>
> *swoons*
>
> Now then, as most of you know, I live on an island
> *shrugs*  An' if my
> babbling

Subject:
        Re: lazycool
   Date:
        Tue, 30 Nov 1999 02:56:29 PST

if all it takes is a happy meal to make your day, you're easier to please
than i thought....and if it really makes you that happy, i'll squish a few
on the ferry's baggage cart the next time i go home for a visit :)
 

>*dreamy*
>
>no,....
>
>*Dream* Fucking *EEEEEE*!!
>
>he hee heeee
>
>*swoons*
>
>Now then, as most of you know,

Subject:
            Re: It's weird forum, but it's a valid one.
       Date:
            Tue, 30 Nov 1999 11:24:24 +0000

> Hey Torb:
>
>         I understood your point about missin' whatcha ain't got.  Your
> example coulda just as easily been lack of adequate kite-flying space, or
> wishin' for a better selection of shades on your isle.
>
>         But, you chose to get all sentimental about McFucks.  For that, I
> must strike a righteous pose on my e-soapbox.
>

...which is okay.  Nothing wrong with that.

Me, I quit buying Colt and Ruger products when their CEOs said things about gun
control (namely, they were <for> some flavor of it) that made them sound like
politicians.

To each his own.  I eat at In-N-Out Urge anyhow.

Subject:
        lazylast
   Date:
        Tue, 30 Nov 1999 06:11:44 -0900

*sigh*

So, I caught miss Wolterstorffs reply last night, and have been up ever
since *sigh*

Miss Wolterstorff is the Wiccan... *shrugs* HER *laughs*

tha's not something I have any control over *sigh*

Suffice it to say that she is and has been on my mind a lot since I
first saw her oh so many years ago now...

a couple years back I pissed her off so badly that she told me to go
away and leave her alone *sigh*

so I did...

then, just this past summer, she looked me up on the internet...

we chatted, we sent some emails... she said quite a few very flattering
things to me *dreamy*

it was nice.

then she just sorta faded away...

I sent some notes

If she replied at all it was only with a few sentences "ya ya, I'm
alive, I'm busy, seeya" which, okay, nice... COLD, but nice. *shrugs*

I pointed out to her the fact tha' she's had access to two years worth
of lazy letters, an' she said she spent hours and hours pokin' around my
site, and I've mentioned how she has recieved a LOT of information about
Me and the past couple years of my life, recent pictures of me and the
folks I been workin' with, the whole nine yards, but I don't know Squat
about Her anymore *sigh* zilch.  nada.  I don't know simple things like
what color her hair is now... or if she even HAS hair *laughs*

But she's got a LIFE, ya know?  there's school and jobs and friends and
family, an' she's a cute chick so I'm assuming there's guys too, and
that just don't leave much time fer email, ya know?  hell, a LOT of
folks on me list vanish for long periods of time

but nevertheless, in MY pointy little head, she's Her *sigh* so ya,
since she looked me up, everytime an email comes in? You Bet the first
thing in that pointy little head of mine is:  hmmm, I Wonder If That Is
A Letter From Her?

So ya, I was pretty fucking Amped Up when that letter came in and it WAS
Her *laughs*

so I click on it, thinking 'yeehaw, she's alive' and I see not a skimpy
little note but a big assed Letter and I'm thinking 'Far Fucking Out!! a
real letter!! Finally!! a letter from my comrade...'

I'm looking at alla the words on the page there, and I'm noticing that
this is the Most she's written to me in one sitting since hooking up
with me back in September

And I start reading the bloody thing...

And it's not to ME at all *laughs*

It's to YOU *sigh*

I've asked this chick to Please give me just Ten minutes of her time and
clue me in on her world, something, Anything... job, school, view out
the window, ANYTHING.

zilch.

but You warrented a fare amount of her time *sigh*

so, ya, sure, I'm jealous *shrugs* and frosted

who wouldn't be?

but that wasn't it so much as the subject of her rant

me wanting happy meals.  *rolls eyes*

and while I was stomping around being frosted and jealous and writing
those groovy kinda letters you write to chicks you dig and then wish you
never did *laughs* (like, no one has Ever done That one before *laughs*)
MORE emails came in about the happy meal thing

oh, you want happy meals?

I'll send you happy meals

that's All you want?

you're Easy

etc etc etc

*Sigh*

SO, after sending like, the tenth letter to her that I shouldn't have
sent it began to dawn on me that Maybe something is Up

So I reread me lazycool Again...

Nope, not seeing it...

I read alla the replies...

happy meals happy meals happy meals

happy meals make torb happy

happy meals good

*sigh*

I  Re-reread lazycool...

Nope, STILL not seeing it...

I Reread the replies...

what the fuck?  where the Hell are they getting this???

That is NOT what I said...

I ponder.

I take into consideration the fact that a large part of my list is
composed of Known drug offenders *giggles*

I factor in the fact that an equally large part of the list is into
booze...

I add in the fact that a sizeable portion of the list does Both *laughs*

and then I multiplied alla that by the fact that I am one whacked out
bozoboy

and I come to two conclusions:

number one) a reasonable percentage of you can't read or don't read the
whole bloody thing, (very possible)

OR

number one) I am no longer able to say what I mean (probable)

In MY psycho little world the gist of the letter was:  "You Don't Miss
Something Untill It Is Gone"

the other bits about happy meals and smells and franchises an' alla that
rot was similes and analogies and other fancy Tools o' the Trade that
are used ta stretch those eight little words out into a whole page of
copy *sigh*

that's what I do *sigh*

at least, that's what I THOUGHT I did when I wasn't babbling *laughs*

but it ain't just Her. *sigh*

others didn't git it either...

Now then, these lazies were only meant for a few select folks anyway,
like my folks and Gilda and a few others who I wanted to know that Hey,
I'm Still Alive, and at differant times during the year I just don't
have enough time to drop All of them a private note, so, mass email was
born and somehow along the way You got on the list too *shrugs*

so for the most part I don't really care if most of you don't understand
Me or the things I talk about... no disrespect entended, but lazies
simply aren't for You....

so if it was Baitboy sending stupid replies, okay, no big deal

but it wasn't.

It was Her (who I Want to Communicate with)

and my Folks (who I Want to Communicate with)

and some others (who I Want to Communicate with)

and a couple that I don't care if they got it or not....

and MOST folks haven't even read the bloody thing yet, so just on this
average alone I can tell there's gonna be more...

which means I'm not makeing any sense any more *sigh*

an' if I can't say what I mean, then why waste yer Time, right?

so fuck it.

work's dead.  there's nothing exciting going on there, nothing New,
nothing you haven't heard about already, an' in a few weeks it'll be
over anyway... so you won't miss much.

there's nothing too terribly exciting going on in my life other than a
complete mental breakdown *shrugs*

there's Christmas decorations up all over town
 

So

thus ends the lazyletter season

been a hell of a year *dreamy*

thank you for sharing it with me

If and When I get enough useable time off, I'll put up all the lazies to
date online for your amusement.

I'm assuming there will be more lazies next year, but who can tell?

feel free to write, I'd Love to hear from You.

Good night
and have a pleasant tomorrow.

As Always
Torbjon W. Jensen
1999

Subject:
        Re: lazylast
   Date:
        Tue, 30 Nov 1999 15:25:55 -0000
 

Has it really been a year since I last wrote you, Torb?  WOW!  I AM out of
touch!

Well, I've been reading your lazies for over a year now and to be honest?
You make as much sense now as you did when the first ones came out.  'Cept
that you write them a damned site BETTER now!  I've drifted apart from you,
in that you don't know what's going on in my life, but I WOULD like to thank
you for sharing your life with me.

Take care, Torb and I hope to catch up with you next season.

Subject:
             Blah Blah lazylast
        Date:
             Tue, 30 Nov 1999 11:09:34 -0500

"Beyond the horizon of the place we lived when we were young
in a world of magnets and miracles
our thoughts strayed constantly and without boundary;
The ringing of the division bell had begun.

...There was a ragged band that followed in our footsteps
running before time took our dreams away
leaving the myriad small creatures trying to tie us to the ground
to a life consumed by slow decay.

Looking beyond the embers of bridges glowing behind us
to a glimpse of how green it was on the other side

...encumbered forever by desire and ambition
there's a hunger still unsatisfied
our weary eyes still stray to the horizon
though down this road we've been so many times...

...the grass was greener,
the light was brighter,
the taste was sweeter..."
[liberally paraphrased]

-David Gilmour

Well, Torb;
Quite the year it has been... we've been down, we've been up, and I
always feel like I'm writing a Eulogy or an Epitaph when I sit down to
write my annual open forum letter you-ward. Anyhow... here's a little
impromptu poem, which is about the best I could offer for thanks...

"...I could never."
Rob Bodeen 1999

I appreciate the glimpse into a life I could never live,
and I enjoy hearing the sounds of songs I could never hear.
It's the reality of the world I could never live in
that attracts me to the words I could never write.
Forcing voyeurisms
in inviting exhibits
and the bed as cold as cod.
Poetic and dreamy
and the steps I could never take
But it's the bed I could never sleep in
And the coffee I could never sip
That flares my desire to see

The kind of you I could never be
And the kind of me I could never see.
-end-

Rock on, Torbster... see ya next year.

Subject:
            It's weird forum, but it's a valid one.
       Date:
            Tue, 30 Nov 1999 10:59:12 -0600

Hey Torb:

        I understood your point about missin' whatcha ain't got.  Your
example coulda just as easily been lack of adequate kite-flying space, or
wishin' for a better selection of shades on your isle.

        But, you chose to get all sentimental about McFucks.  For that, I
must strike a righteous pose on my e-soapbox.

        I ceased patronizing that multinational corporate pillar of greed
and destruction in 1983, when I learned that McFucks is responsible for the
depletion of the Central American rainforest.  They slash and burn large
tracts of jungle in order to make grazing land available for cattle, which
become the mushy little macs you crammed down your gullet earlier this week.

        Not only is oxygen producing vegetation irreparably demolished, the
incredibly massive herds of cattle create noxious clouds of methane which
depletes ozone.  The physical waste contaminates soil and ground water.
It's an ugly scene, man.

        I realize that we all participate in the decimation of the world
around us,  simply by existing.  We humans are a environmentally taxing
lot.  Being aware of this fact;  talking about it;  and setting small,
attainable goals (I haven't missed McFucks in the least) toward the overall
goal of not completely destroying the planet is all any of us can ask of
each other.

        Being "politically correct" doesn't mean ya gotta be perfect:  I
drive my car sixty miles everyday.  I grilled and subsequently gorged on
some hapless turkey last week.  Yesterday I bought fastfood at Taco Hell.
One time, last year, I went golfing on a chemical laden, completely
unnatural green space not far from where I live.  I wear leather boots.  I
watch TV.  I don't always recycle paper.

        But, I haven't eaten at McFucks in 16 years.  And neither should
you.

        As for not receiving personal e-messages from people - I think that
is the nature of your beastly list.  It's a quantity vs. quality issue.  I'm
not sayin' that's good, bad, or in between, but that's how you communicate.
I can deal with it, and hopefully all the other Torbilists do as well,
including you, the leader of this e-cult.
 

That one cousin in Blue Mounds, WI,

Subject:
            Re: lazylast
       Date:
            Tue, 30 Nov 1999 13:04:04 -0500 (EST)

Torby,

No matter what we all say, we all luv you. And honestly
I read her reply and had trouble understanding what SHE
was on about. I understood YOUR lazy perfectly. No
you're not becoming more incomprehensible. You're just
trying to express yourself to a lot of people, and I
dare say that some of them aren't quite "with it" enough
to dig it.

Subject:
        Re: lazylast
   Date:
        Tue, 30 Nov 1999 17:41:00 PST

If i could, Torb, i'd give you world peace, beautiful women, stress free
days,  and everything else your little heart desires. unfortunately, happy
meals are about the only thing in my power to offer.
pathetic, i know.
but most good intentions are just that.
 

Subject:
        From Patricia Mayes to YOU
   Date:
        Tue, 30 Nov 1999 16:45:30 -0900

Torbjon, do me a favor? I wrote this as a reply to your lastlazy...could
you
send it out to those on your list since hotmail's a bitch and won't let
me
send to all those out there...thank you...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A very sad thing that many took Torbjon's lazycool in a way he hadn't
meant.
  A very spiteful thing said by the chic who responded so vehemently
about
Happy Meals. In fact, it was rather close minded in my
opinion...~shrugs~

I read Torbjon's lazycool and appreciated it.  I read lazycool and saw a
guy
expressing how much one doesn't know how much one misses something until

he's been gone from it so long, even a wiff of something so long gone
would
bring excitement from him.

It's the simply things in life that bring joy...even if it's a Happy
Meal.
~smiles slightly~

This past weekend a friend and I went out and did something that was
just
something we don't normally do...He turned to me and said, "You feel
like
you're in high school again?"

He's 26. I'm 21...I feel old...he feels real old...and sitting out there
in
a dark truck, looking over the city....Yeah, that made us feel like we
were
back in high school.

I rarely go out. I'm a broke college kid.  Being able to go out to
McDonald's is a treat for me...and I live in a city that has major
franchises...I also live in a state that supposedly the "greatest last
place
on earth"...

I felt hurt by what that chic wrote in reply to Tobrjon's lazy...(Yeah,
I'm
babbling...no real focus point to this letter...~shrugs~)...Why? Because
I
get the same way Torbjon reacted when I see a Happy Meal...or any sort
of
food from fast food...

Bah...get the sticks outta your asses and open your eyes a bit more.

Torbjon's enjoying the simple things in life...minute things that not
everyone recognizes...

My admiration goes out to Torbjon on many levels...and my admiration and

appreciation for him only gets deeper and heightens more each time I
read
his Lazies...Maybe I'm psycho, too, so I can get what he's saying about
Happy Meals...

~wrinkles nose and shakes head~

~shakes head~

A sad thing no one got that...

Hey, Torbjon, what toy did ya get in the Happy Meal?

Simply Me.

ok, so i misunderstood you too. sorry. i understand what you mean about no
franchises, though in the opposite way, maybe, having grown up on that rock
and not having had them for a good 20 years or so.

Hi Torby,
Maybe it isn't time to quit.  I thought you said something about not
getting anything but spam a while ago. Got something other than spam
this time, huh?

Let people know that one of us thought marketing the SMELL looks like a
profitable venture! Heck, I'm still a capitalist.

So, what toy did you get and did you actually eat it??

Date: Tuesday, November 30, 1999 5:32 PM

Subject: From Patricia Mayes to YOU
 
 

Gee Torb,  If I had known that a happy meal would cause this much trouble I
would have bought you a big mac instead.  I have lived on this island (and
smaller ones) all my life and sick as it may be, franchises are a thing a
beauty to me.  The food sucks most of the time and usually makes you sick
but you can get it right away and it's McDonalds for christs sake.  People
who aren't stranded here for the entire year have no clue what this means to
us.  This is contact with the real world and I for one love it.  Hope you
enjoyed your happy meal.  Sorry to hear that people are trying to ruin it
for you. - Marva

Thank you for backing me up on this one Patricia!

Subject:
        Bit Mac
   Date:
        Tue, 30 Nov 1999 20:31:44 -0800

Hi there,

Ain't it the shits?

You bust your ass laying out some far out philosophical observation
about life, the world, the universe and everything.  You pour your heart
out talking about angst, loneliness, bitter dark and frozen nights.

But what do people hear?  Big mac and how much you miss the Dairy Queen.

Such is the joys of journalism.

I did enjoy Rob Bodeen's poem that he wrote and dedicated to you.

I remember the first time my poem "The Matador" was dissected by an
English class.  It had been published in the school paper.  I sat in on
the class.  They did not know I was the author.  I was impressed at what
they found in the poem that I never knew I had written about.  The great
symbolism, angst, ennui, shit!  Those were words I didn't even know then
and I had written a poem that expressed them.

You never know what is going to touch someone, Torb.  Be proud and
amused that your skills are so perfected that even your toss-off stuff
can generate so much enthusiasm in you public.

Subject:
        hey
   Date:
        30 Nov 99 21:10:44 PST

Torb,
   Just think, it was only a few days ago you exclaimed " an no fuckin'
emails".

twisted word and stones thrown
soapbox empty heads
happy thoughts
tossed back bent
too many people
too much time
snowball

you want fries with that?

Torb:

        That's the heaviest non-implication I've seen in quite some time.  You put the Crappy Deal in
the oven, were whelmed into oblivion by the odor, and then didn't eat it?  Okay.

        You're right, though, the Crappy Deal isn't the point, which is why I so tactfully started my
response to this particular Lazy, saying I get where you're comin' from, but. . . .

        Man, you cover such a wide range of stuff in your communiques, that the interpretation of the
material therein is naturally as far flung.  When you put yourself out there, you've relinqueshed much
of the control over who reads what into what.

        I latched on to the McFucks thing, not to accuse you of anything, but to share my feelings
about certain implications of transnational biz. (Quite timely, considering what's occuring in Seattle at
the moment.) You created an opportunity, which is how I view your Lazies:  You write something,
we get to respond (or not), and dialogue is born.

        Don't get frenzied 'cuz the dialogue didn't go in the direction you thought it would.

        I sure wouldn't call stripmalls with fastfood, drugstore, gasoline, and greeting card chains things
of beauty as Marva does.  If you islanders feel you're missing out on a part of Americana, don't
sweat it.  Your more pristine view of a natural skyline is way better than the growing slab of
pavement known as the lower 48.

                                                                                                Out.

HALLELUJAH!!!!
Amen!!!
thank you...

I almost feel like I have to justify my presence since
Torby kind of "outed" me... he is just so silly.
This has nothing to do with McShit...
just a little...clarifying...?
it is difficult to be a friend to Torb if you are a
young unmarried female... maybe it is just me but I
doubt it.
so there...

> Torb:
>
>         That's the heaviest non-implication I've
> seen in quite some
> time.

Subject:
             Torb's Woman Problems
        Date:
             Wed, 01 Dec 1999 18:37:43 -0500
 

Torb;

Sorry, it's the whole human-needs, hormones, lust thing that you've got
workin' against ya in the search for the beautiful, available female
friend category. Try gouging out your eyes or becoming a monk.

...Heh, even if it didn't work for me.

Moron # 1,
Please remove my E-Mail address from your group mailing list and any
list that you may have.  You and your friends are complete idiots.

Torb,
    I don't communicate much but what I have to say is gold (for me).  You
are right that you should take a vacation.  Everyone needs time to be
completely and utterly relaxed (however they want to do that.....I don't
care).  But as for women,  I know for a fact that you're life will change
if you take a vacation in S.E. Asia.  Especially the Philippines.  I don't
know why I'm telling you this.......you may never.....ever.........write
another damn lazy in your life.  Nope.  You would be too busy with other
matters (fulfilling your every sexual need that you EVER dreamed).  Well, I
gotta go.  You know my story.  Family man, and damn proud of it.

Don't change

I'm jealous of all these chics that know you...

That one chic that says it's hard to get along with you because she's a
young unmarried female...~wrinkles nose~ It must be because she lives near
you, possibly works with you...SEES you...

I'm young...I'm un married...I'm female...I get along with you just
fine...nothing hard about it...

~wrinkles nose~

Subject:
            LazyJunkie
       Date:
            Wed, 01 Dec 1999 21:13:54 -0900

So, It's that time of the year again!
Oh, MAN!   I don't check my e-mail for two days and I nearly miss out on
everything!

*sigh*

Let Dr. Fraud give his diagnosis of vat iss really goin'k on.

Withdrawal symptoms.
Ya, ve are der Lazyjunkies.

Every year when Torb sends a Lazy last, or end, or finish, everybody
suddenly has something to say. (Yes, even me!)  In hopes of drawing yet
one more dram of  that
precious bit, (or byte) of  Lazy from our dealer.

I can almost hear everybody slapping their arms to raise a vein one last
time!

God, help me!  Ya gotta love it!

Dean, Jeff, Trish, and All, fear not!  For Friend Torb can no more help
writing Lazy's than we can help reading them!  I think his head would
explode or something if he tried!
(Wow, that's a visual for you!)

By the way Torb, since you have some time now I'll stop by and we can
suck down caffeine together.  Maybe I can catch the last whiffs of the
"McSmell".

 * Slobber, Smack *

Subject:
        Re: lazycool
   Date:
        Thu, 2 Dec 1999 03:39:44 EST

Torb,

I just read this today...I'm a little behind in reading my email.  There has
been a lot of shit taking place here lately.  *excuse my french*  :)  Or
maybe I should have said...#*it...LOL....

I always enjoy reading your letters and what I read was that you were looking
for IT...LOL...perhaps some marijuana, or sex or something like
that...LOL....not just a happy meal.  Also I think were were trying to tell
us...*your lazy counterparts* that we should not take things for granted and
if we take the time to look around at ourselves and others we will begin to
realize just how special we are, to you and to others as well.

Thanks for your lazy letters by the way.  I really do enjoy reading them and
they sure do bring a smile to my face when I do read them.  You are a pretty
amazing person...and I think God that I am on your list of people to receive
your Lazy letters.  They really do make me stop and think.