Subject:
            lazy99
       Date:
            Wed, 13 Jan 1999 11:29:01 -0800
 

*yawn*

mmmph

*sip*

So, the first Lazy of '99...ye haw *laughs*

Been a while since I done this...*ponders*...fer a lot of reasons...one of
which is that I can't smoke in me folks house...

Now, it's not so much that me hands are tremblin' or anything like that,
it's just the Habit, ya know?  Cigarette after dinner,,, cigarette with
morning coffee,,, cigarette at break time, cigarette and godless rocknroll
during Lazy writing *shrug*

Most of the time me folks are here at home...  which is cool, but I'm used
ta doin' this without someone reading over me shoulder or asking me
questions and what not... *shrug*  no biggy.

This Morn is a bit different though.

Dave, (tha's Sammys dad to the rest of us) blew his rig up the other
day..... bloody thing ran out of oil and melted or some such... As a result
me dad is out giving him a ride around...  And of course me step mom is at
work savin' lives and what not.

Tha' leaves ME and a couple of kitties here ta guard the fort and wait fer
the GUY to come and fix the washing machine (which he sorta fixed Yesterday
BUT....*laughs* whatever)

But just havin' a few minutes ta meself ain't enough ta git me ta ramble
atcha...nooooo *giggles*

Seems Rob is goin' a bit bonkers.

And Brad too

And OTHERS...

And it can only be attributed to lazywithdrawls *laughs*  pure,
unadulterated Boredom. *shrug*

So, wha' the hell, I'll stick me feet in me mouth and wiggle me toes
*shrugs* tha's gotta be good fer a giggle or two, yes?...hmmm
 

So, Rob thinks no one is readin' his stuff *giggles*  *POKE* yo, ROB, take
it from someone who's done some mass mailings:  it's GOOD when yer audience
is Silent, comrade *poke poke* a silent audience ain't throwin' tomatoes
atcha *wink*  Okay, maybe they ain't rollin' on the floor bustin' a gut at
yer witticisms, but they ain't Booin' ya too, so.... just dig the fact that
no one is askin' ta be dropped offa yer list, bub.  An' just so YOU know, me
old man actually Dug some of yer stuff this year.  So There *laughs*

Now then, the Bradster seems ta think I'm Dead *giggles*  From the scattered
reports I've received I git the impression that a handful of folks were
sayin' me name these past weeks...  From what I hear sounds like some of the
folks still on the Rock have been packin' out some of the fish we stored
last summer and shippin' them to god only knows where, and I got the
distinct feelin' that some of me comrades were sayin' things like 'gee, I
wish Torb was here to do this' *giggles*  Sure sure, I know, ya all love me,
*laughs* butcha love me more when it's My sorry ass in the fridge diggin'
them totes out and me in the van stackin' them boxes, yes?  Well, rest
assured comrades, I Will Be Back, *sigh* in just a few days, actually, so
save the Really Fucked Up jobs fer me, okay?  Not 'cause I miss work so much
*shudders* but 'cause I'm broke again and I've discovered I actually LIKE
spending money on useless stuff *grin*

Been hearin' talk of a Bonus at the plant.  Okay, so Karen is the only one
propagating that rumor, still... *sigh*  a little bonus for 'key personnel'
*laughs*  And as much as I'm appreciating the good wishes on the subject you
KNOW tha' ain't ME *laughs*  I'm not 'key' ... I'm a 'loose cannon with a
screw loose' remember?? *giggles*  All I did was step into a fucked up
position in mid season, train a new guy, make sure nothing melted, shipped
the stuff to where it was supposed ta go, get electrocuted, get blasted in
the eye with propane, and not kill anybody *laughs*  tha' don't make me
'key'...tha' makes me a SUCKER! *Bursts out Laughing!!*  Besides, knowin'
how tha' place works, well, they'd probably give any van dock bonus to Al,
ya know? I mean, he Was there fer half the year, ya know?  And what about
Marivic?  she worked in the office fer the most fucked up part of the
season,,, did an outstanding job, too...the whole thing is screwy....a cash
bonus would be NICE, but I'd settle fer a 'thank you', ya know?

SO, just What Has the Torbster been up too, ey?  *laughs*

Nothing... *shrug*  No, really, not much of anything...

Some feasts with friends and family here and there.  Saw a couple of flicks
on the BIG SCREEN *dreamy*  Diggin' the Sunshine.  Sleep till noon... lounge
till three when I feed the animals and fire up the hot tub for the night.
Relax till dinner, Feast, Digest, dig the stars, listen ta the radio,
hibernate till noon... and so on...

No wild parties or dates or anything *shrug*  The sunsetgirl and I chatted a
bit about gitting together fer some tea in San Fransisco during me stay
here, but we couldn't juggle our schedules enough ta make it happen...  The
Wiccan called on New Years Day... right outta the blue *laughs*  THAT
suprised the hell out of me *shrug*  But it was just like last summer,,,
just a message out of nowhere and then Gone Again *sigh*  Mark is talkin'
'bout swinging up here next weekend but tha's a No Stresser... maybe he'll
make it, maybe not *shrug*

I haven't gone ta Reno yet... not sure I will, either... there's a reason
they call it Lady Luck *giggles* it's just like Good Sex... ya can't Force
it, ya know?  It'll happen or it won't *shrug*

For those of you on the Rock... if yer REALLY bored, then swing by me house
and poke around a bit... Karen was watchin' me place fer me but Brad says
she bailed out when folks started ta mention that dirty 'work' word *laughs*

Oh well, I gotta go
Seeya
Torbjon
 

     Subject:
            lazynewsFLASH
       Date:
            Thu, 14 Jan 1999 10:53:05 -0800

Passing this on........
 

Forwarding the information below for those who may want to respond.
Congress will be voting in less than two weeks. CNN stated that the
government would, in two weeks time, decide to allow or not allow a
charge to your phone bill equal to a LONG DISTANCE CALL "EACH" time you
access the Internet.

The address is http://www.house.gov/writerep/ If you choose,
visit the address above and fill out the necessary form! If EACH one of
us, forwards this message on to others in a hurry, we may be able to
prevent this injustice from happening!

     Subject:
            lazycountdown
       Date:
            Fri, 22 Jan 1999 03:45:00 -0800
 

T minus five hours and counting...more or less.

Still not packed *laughs*

Sound familuar?  Ya, I'm headin' back in a few...*shrug*

That'll be intresting...

Got a note todaying telling me tha' the pipes in me trailer froze *giggles* I
mean, they couldn't wait one more day, ya know?

Got a note a while later tellin' me everything was groovy, don't sweat it....

Comrades are Cool, huh? *grin*

And whereas me Comrades made sure I had a home ta come home to, there still
remains the fact that me pipes froze...

Froze.

Even the ice in the ice tray here in me folks freezer isn't frozen.

Ya, I'm thinkin' the Same Thing....
 
 

Brrrrrrrrrrrr
 

*giggles*

And I'm going back there because some twisted little bit of me mind thinks I
LIKE it there *laughs*  An' there's no shaking it... I Do like the place, even
with the high cost of livin' and total lack of women, it Still beats the
freeways in This bizzarro state...I tell ya, goin' anywhere here is less than
stressless...*laughs*

I miss the Ocean too...which strikes me as odd as I don't really Like the Ocean
alla tha' much, ya know?  Bloody thing is full of Sea Monsters and stuff
*shudders*

oh well, few more hours ta go... time ta go fret over packing again for a
while....

seeya
Torbjon

 Subject:
        lazyreturn
   Date:
        Sat, 23 Jan 1999 15:24:51 -0800
 

I am arrived!

*dreamy*

And the island welcomed me with Blue Skies and Sunshine *grin* Felt
Goooood... had been rainy me last week in California...

However, it's grey today *shrug*

And it IS chilly here, but not alla THAT cold...at least, not to me.
But then again, I spend untold hours a year in a place much colder and
darker than what is currently passing for the weather. *giggles*

So when I left the john needed a snake an' me mouse was dieing...

An' when I got home the john still needs a snake an' me mouse died (may
it rest in peace)

Firing up the computer last night with a dead mouse was a treat *laughs*

Waiting for the 140 emails that had accumulated during my absence was
intresting, too

Finally me and me dead mouse got a note off ta the folks tellin' 'em
we'd landed here at Tranquility Base and everything was groovy except
fer the snakeless john and the dead mouse.

Then I slept 'till noon *laughs*  Doesn't matter What time zone I'm in,
I ain't human 'till noon...

Liberal amounts of coffee and a trip ta the mouse store later and here I
am.

*dreamy*

Nuthin' smoother than a new mouse. *smirk*  well, Almost nuthin'...

Well Folks, we're up and running here at Tranquility Base, I'm gonna
mosey over to the neighbors and get an earfull of gossip, catch up on
the goin' ons and what not...

seeya
Torbjon

 Subject:
        lazyreality
   Date:
        Sat, 23 Jan 1999 20:53:01 -0800

So, I'm looking at the john, wondering how to git it ta heal itself,
when I notice I'm hearing  the familuar sound of the fountain...

only I'm not at me dads house anymore and there shouldn't BE the gentle
sound of running water

So I peek out the bathroom window and sure enough there IS a small
stream exiting from under me house and meandering off into the drainage
ditch out back....

so even though I haven't peeked under the house myself, I'm under the
distinct impression that there is something Other than a clogged up john
amiss here...

Tim stopped by ta let me know that there is indeed a ton of work waitin'
fer me Monday morning...

Monday is the begining of a new payperiod so it'll be three weeks before
my first paycheck of the year *sigh*

And it's snowing.
 

Went through the fifteen pounds of mail from the post office... half of
it was from Ed Mcmahn himself *laughs*...bunch of bills that were
already paid (best kind *wink*) a few that weren't *sigh*

And a bunch of stuff saying 'Save for Tax Records'

I hate those.

They went in the 'drawer' with all the other 'don't loose this or we
will kill you' papers...

and I STILL haven't unpacked yet *laughs*

I gotta go

Torbjon

 Subject:
        lazywork
   Date:
        Mon, 25 Jan 1999 21:53:05 -0800

So I get up for work this morning for the first time this year, and
whereas I'm not really 'awake' I Am rather with it, and I have an actual
'productive thought' pertaining to my plumbing problem...

'Heat' was the answer I was getting from most folks, followed by a lotta
good lucks and glad it's You and not Me, bubs *laughs*

And it dawned on me while I was sitting here this morning sipping my
coffee and reading the email and leaning against the dryer that said
dryer vents underneath the trailer which is actually a rightous pain in
the ass come summer time but seeing that summer is far from now this
could actually work out to my advantage...

So I set the timer thingy to 100 minutes and trudged off through the
snow and ice to work.

Work

*laughs*

Work was a riot.

*giggles*

So I'm Not Even There yet and I bump inta Tim and he's all grins and
giggles...

Later on at work I bump inta Mr. B and HE's all grins and giggles and
cordial like...

Mr. Wilson hisself even did the 'hihowareyagoodtaseeyagladyerback'
thingy...

spooky

The gig today was unload a van a freight that they couldn't get the ramp
into, Top off a van with some funky sized packaging and make it fit, AND

And another inventory

*laughs*

That was Too dejavu for me but fun, a bit of everything...

Right back in the trenches though *sigh*

So before lunch I go up to the office to get my last paycheck from 98,
was figuring it would be about 250 and be all I had to live on till pay
day (three weeks for me)

I pull alla the junk mail out of the 'J' slot and go through it... junk,
buy, give, you could be a winner, check, catalog, junk, junk...all for
me.

I open the check...

It's over 800 bucks.

My first reaction was 'Shit! They fucked up my check!' and I was gonna
go storm inta the accounting office and say 'HEY! this should only be
like two fifty!  Whaddya tryin' ta do?  Git me busted with the Feds are
sumptin??'

*Bursts out laughing!*

No, really... But then I read the letter that came with it

And almost lost it

I'm a 'key' guy!

It Was A Bonus Check!!!

Can you believe it???

Knocked me fer a loop, I'll tell ya...

Nice letter from the big guy down south with a note from the big guy
here on the island sayin' what a hoopy froog I was and here's some
money.

I Still had ta storm inta the accounting office and ask fer me paycheck
though *laughs*

at lunch I come home and crank the dryer back onto 100 minutes and then
head ta the bank, get ahead of the bill scene for a change, then back ta
work....

Inventory in the freezer was nice...quiet, and I do believe it's warmer
in there than it is outside... before I knew it the day was over... I
was the last one outta there... well, if I wasn't then I shut the lights
out and locked some doors on somebody *shrug*

So I get home and fire up the dryer again and decide to have a peek
under the house before I take off me work clothes...

I got the nifty new flashlight me folks gave me fer Christmas, tucked in
all the loose ends on me freezer suit, scrunched down me hat, and
trodded out into the snow....

I poked around  the side of the trailer there and scooped and shoved
most of the snow away untill I found the handle to the access pannel,
then I dug around untill the whole pannel was more or less cleared away,

Then I turned the handle and popped the pannel off and peered within...

The beam from the flash light penetrated into the subtropical murk and
revealed two deep gleaming pools of steamy water...I half expected ta
hear Parrots and Tuccans and some odd little monkey thing chittering
away in the gloom

A thick septicy air wafted out...

I went in...

A bunch of screwy plumbing

Massive lagoons of water

No water falls though...hmmm

At the bottom of one of the lagoons was one of those light bulbs on the
end of an extenstion cord... It WAS in the water box to sort of maybe
keep it from freezing, I think....

Now it was at the bottom of a somewhat septicy lagoon

It dawned on me then that that Could be why fuses keep blowing out in me
house *laughs*

It also dawned on me that getting electricuted in a septicy lagoon
underneath a trailer in a trailer park in petersburg alaska is Not how I
wanna die no matter How groovy the insurance settlement may be.

So I removed myself from the swamp under my house, unplugged the bloody
thing, sealed up the little door, and fired up the dryer again *laughs*
LAST thing I want is a septicy ice rink down there....

I gotta go
Torbjon

 Subject:
        lazytreerevisted
   Date:
        Fri, 29 Jan 1999 14:25:43 -0800
 

So, shortly after I left California that little cone thingy that I
knocked offa me dads dish came off in the wind...*sigh*

Here's me dads letter describing the repair of said dish:
 
 

Hi there,

So, Cathy get's to go in late this morning which means she'll leave here

about 10:00.  About 0900 Cathy says, from the bathroom, "there's someone

at the door."

"Front door?" I cleverly query from my cubby in front of the tube.
"Now?" I ask further to assure my stupity is not just skin deep.

Rob is at the front door.  Scrubbed, rosey, clean and rarin' to go.
"I'm from Those Guys.  You called us yesterday?"

Well, yeah.  I called 'em.  But they said they'd call back last night
and narry a jingle or electronic beep from them.  "Sure did," I respond.

We go around back and I show him the problem.  He tells me he has an 8'
step ladder with him.  I explained that you were built very similarly to

Rob but that you are about 2" taller.  I then tell him the story of Thor

and Lars on the hill holdin' the ladder and balancin' with shouts like
"Ho!" and "Oh shit!" and such as you teeter on the second from the top
rung of an 8' step ladder.

Rob goes up the hill and stands beneath the dish.  I move it this way
and that way.  He asks if he can lean a ladder right against the dish.
I tell him that is what the dish expert told me and that I would not
hold him (Rob) responsible for any information I gave him.

He comes down off the hill and tells me, "I am going to go get a
friend.  Be back in a few minutes."

Before Cathy has left for work Rob is back with Paul and an extention
ladder.  They huck the ladder up the hill; put it up against the dish.
This takes a bit because they are looking for ground that will give them

both legs of the ladder on the ground simultaneously.  They more or less

achieve this objective and I toss them the cone.  Rob goes up the ladder

while Paul holds.  He's up about belly-level with his work area.  Puts
the cone on, locks it in place and then tapes it in place.  Comes down
from the ladder and they come down the hill.

Made it look like a hell-of-an easy job with no danger at all.  You'd a
been impressed.  Did not look like a Thors and Lars production at all.

I ask them what'd cost.  They said they'd turn in a slip at the office
but probably around $20.00.

So, now we know what it is worth to risk our lives.  I know your end
seemed riskier, but you weren't standing on my feet.

So my problem is mostly solved.  How's your's coming?

Love,
Stephen

----

Now there should be no doubt in Anybodies mind that I do indeed come
from Norwegian stock.  *laughs*  Thought you all would dig me dads
version of events...Never a dull moment in the Jensen Clan.

I gotta go
Torbjon

 Subject:
        lazystuff
   Date:
        Sun, 31 Jan 1999 10:45:18 -0800
 

*Yawn*

hmmmph

*sip*

so, is it Over Yet???

*peeks out the window and sees a mountain of snow*

*sigh*

Nope.

the only really Cool thing about all this snow is that it has helped ta
brighten up the place a bit...blindingly white stuff *grin*  Last night
at midnight I could see Petersburg Mountain clearly by the
moonlight...considering the bloody thing is fogged in half the year I
thought that was pretty groovy.

Cold though.

It is indeed warmer in the freezer than it is outside *sigh*

*sip*

hmmm

well, last week both Mr. Wilson and Mr. B went out of their way ta say
what a groovy dude I am, *shrug* they also went on to say that I should
keep quiet about the bonus I got *laughs*

What was I to say?  'er, um, oops, I already told the whole bloody world
last night' *giggles*

And what am I supposed ta do when people Ask Me?? Lie?  say 'naw, they
fucked me over too'? when they didn't...*sigh* nasty boat ta be in, I'll
tell ya...

I have a theory about the bonus thingy...

It's threefold;

First, be born with a fucked up name like Torbjon Wardlow Jensen (and
for those non Norwegians on me list tha's pronounced    Tor-Byorn
Vard-Luf   Yen-Sin)

Second, spend some Years signing said fucked up name to a gazzilion bits
of papaer that get circulated throughout all the offices within this
company, including various Japanese and European buyers, and just to
make absolutely Certain spend a year on the internet blabbing the name
to any who will even pretend to listen.

Third, and I think this is the kicker, have a 90% descrepancy between
what you say you shipped to Bellingham and what Bellingham says you
shipped to them *laughs*  No really, 90%!

Now then, I thought that was odd, the 90% thingy, I mean, tha's a LOT of
fuck ups, ya know?  But I got ta talkin' ta Mr. B about it and a
'descrepancy' includes every little nit pickin' thing tha' could come
up... like I interpret Rauls scribble as 122FOUR and they decipher it as
122NINE... *shrug*

So, here's me theory, have a really Weird name and then make sure
Everybody and their brother Knows it, finally, screw things up in yer
work area So Badly that Somebody Somewhere HAS to take notice of it, and
thus YOU.  *laughs*

If yer a big enough Bozo then you too can have a bonus check *grin*

*shrug* Just a theory...

Onward

I still have a swamp under me house *sigh* and the snow is up past my
door jamb...there is like over two feet of the stuff out there
*shudders*

That strikes me as odd having a swamp below the snow level...*sigh*

And of course the swamp isn't going to go anywhere untill the snow goes,
ya know?

Not alla of the problem was Me though... turns out the main line I dump
into was plugged up.... backed up all the way over to me neighbors house
(Karens)  She called the Man, who came out and snaked the main line,
which got me toliet working again *dreamy sigh* but there's some cracks
in MY line before the toliet but after the sink and shower and so forth
*sigh* so THAT water leaks out and feeds the swamp...
 

This owning yer own pad ain't as groovy as it's sometimes cracked up ta
be, ya know?

Oh well.  One of these days I'll pull meself outta this apathetic slump
and write a Real Lazy.

But not today.

Today I just babble mindlessly atcha.