Lazy Easy
Hey People,
This is the fourth in the Lazy series. I believe the others
are
still kicking around on craiglist and I would recommend reading those
as well as things might get a bit confusing and I have no intention nor
desire to post the same crap over and over again. (I just typed Lazy
into the search thingy and they popped right up... pretty
easy.)
I also have these archived on my site. Feel free to drop me a line and
I'll send you the link...
So, you have to admit, I'm making it pretty easy for you. I
mean,
I could just keep posting my stats over and over again (old white guy,
5'10, 150#, blue eyes, yadda yadda yadda) and maybe somebody would send
me a note. I'd reply. Maybe there would be some banter back
and
forth...
Then something that I totally take for granted but might be a real turn
off to you would come up... (I'm broke, I'm still legally
married, I have a kid, I smoked a joint once, etc.)
End of playful banter.
And a complete waist of your time, my time, bandwidth, electricity, and
probably a lotta coffee and cigarettes too. *laughs*
Oh, ya, I smoke. Coffee and cigarettes have been my jet fuel
of
choice for a lotta years now. I was strung out on the stuff
before my stint in Alaska, but my time on the rock made a Firm Believer
outta me.
*sip*
So, what do you get if you Do decide to drop me a line, ey?
Good question, that.
Maybe something like this:
========
Wet Dream
So I was asleep in my tent, out at Elf Woods. Life was good. The fish
were just starting to fornicate again so there was finally a little
work at the factory. Nothing insane, nothing like the madness
that summer salmon would soon bring, but enough that I was finally
starting to feel the need for sleep.
To make things even groovier, it had warmed up. No longer was I a
shivering mass balled up inside my wet sleeping bag. Now I
was
sprawled out on top of the bloody thing, stark naked and loving it.
When you spend all day working in a cold, wet environment, encased from
head to toe in a variety of rubber, plastic and leather garments, being
warm, dry and naked becomes one of the greater joys in life.
And I was feeling Pretty Good. Stretched out on my back, tent flap open
to let the warm breeze flow through, toes airing out after a long day
of wet socks… and dreaming.
Oh, the dreams.
Warm, sensual, caressingly delicious, and slowly melting into the
erotic. The dreams were deep and real and I let them carry me
away. I stretched in my sleep and a new element entered my
slumber. Moisture.
Not the cold wet fish slime that was my life, but a warm, firm moisture
that had a decided pinkness to it that was most definitely Not a part
of my everyday life. Up and down and around my foot, between
each
toe, slowly, rhythmically, in and out, the firm moisture explored…
The Dream Me slowly began to realize that I really don't have a foot
fetish, and there was nothing particularly erotic about what I was
experiencing… in fact, it was rather annoying and was beginning to
tickle. So, still half asleep, I did what anybody would do under the
same situation; I twitched my foot.
A lot of things happened in rapid succession after that. The first was
that the warmth now engulfed my entire foot. Coupled with that there
was also a hardness. Rows of hardness. The kind of hardness
that
really isn't metal, really isn't rock, but is more like smooth wet
bone. There was also a very loud and very surprised sounding
Grunt coming from my foot.
All of that happened more or less at once, and all of that was more
than enough to snap me out of the nice sleepy place I had been lounging
in. In one fluid motion I yanked my foot back, raking it
across
rows of highly evolved, highly efficient, incredibly sharp
teeth.
I also sat bolt upright and thus found myself nose to nose and looking
straight into the eyes of one very surprised Grizzly bear.
At the time it did not feel like it, but looking back I can honestly
say that there Was a brief moment were we both went ‘Huh?’
However, the moment was brief, and our next reaction was both identical
and simultaneous: We screamed.
I'm not sure whose scream was more terrifying, his or mine. His had the
effect of causing me to dump about thirty years worth of adrenaline
into my system, which turned me into a gibbering worthless idiot that
wanted very much to just rip a hole in the back of my tent and go
running naked through the woods, yet left me totally incapable of even
drooling let alone defending myself.
My scream, on the other hand, had a much more productive result. The
bear snorted, yanked its head back, and then crashed its way through
the underbrush… probably in search of a salt lick that wouldn't kick it
in the face and then yell at it *shrugs*
Needless to say, I slept with my shoes on after that.
=======
How many guys on craigslist can tell you a bedtime story like that,
hmmm?
I gotta go
and, as always,
Rock on